Possibility: The Things You Miss When You Run Away
by Mystic83
Summary: What if President Roslin had agreed to Starbuck’s rescue mission to Caprica? What if she was gone before most of the Fleet even realized she was back? KaraAnders, KaraLee
1. Chapter 1

This will be a series of stand-alone stories which deal with the choices that the characters on Battlestar Galactica have made throughout the first half of the second season (I'll be posting in as much of the order of the season as I can). I want to explore what would have happened/changed if things had gone differently. Some of the stories will be angst, some will be shippy, some will be funny. There will be different pairings throughout. Don't feel like you have to check out each one to understand the others. All I ask is that if it intrigues you, then give it a try. Hope you enjoy reading the stories as much as I enjoyed writing them!

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**_There are pivotal moments in one's life where if you take the wrong path everything may change. Those changes may be for the good or for the bad. The possibilities are endless.

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Kara Thrace found herself truly happy for the first time since Zak had died as the Galactica came into view through the window of theRaptor. That should have been her first clue that she fraked up somewhere down the line.

The bad news hit her without any warning. She stepped off theship she had piloted back from Caprica, prepared to introduce Anders to the way she lived, but she didn't make it two feet. The Old Man was waiting for her, and the look on his face made her heart drop out.

A lot had changed. Chief had led the crew of Galactica in the building of a new stealth ship out of leftover parts. When it was finished, Hot Dog volunteered to fly it. The ship and its pilot dropped off the radar as soon as they launched from Galactica. They still hadn't popped back up.

Kat had gotten addicted to stims when everyone was too busy to notice. The death of her best friend sent her over the edge completely. She ended up killing a deckhand in a fit of stim rage and was currently in the brig, awaiting a proper trial.

It was hard for Kara to accept that two of her pilots had fallen so far from grace in such a drastic way. She held herself partially responsible for any mistake or success those nuggets had. It was her job to be there to talk them through the hard points and to take the dangerous missions so they didn't have to.

The Commander quickly relayed all these developments to her as they walked through the corridors. Kara glanced back only once to see that Anders was following them. It was reassuring to have him there. She reached back to grab his hand and pull him into line beside her.

"I hope you don't feel guilt for what happened to Kat and Hot Dog," Adama said, coming to a stop.

Kara frowned at the fact that they were in front of the doors to sickbay but tried to ignore that detail as the Commander waited for her answer. "You know I do. They were my responsibility."

"Both of the pilots were promoted to Lieutenant while you were away on Caprica the first time. They weren't yours to watch over anymore."

"Fine. I'll let go of the guilt," Kara muttered. She shifted her weight from side to side, suddenly growing impatient. She just wanted to take Anders back to the bunkroom and get some rest. "Is there anything else you need to tell me, sir?"

"Yes." Adama's eyes shifted to Anders for a brief second before returning to meet Kara's gaze. "I'm afraid there's a lot more I have to tell you, and I don't think you'll let me talk you out of feeling guilt for this one." He took a deep breath. "The Cylons infected Galactica with some sort of virus when it lost the rest of the Fleet. It was festering within our systems for weeks."

Kara rolled her eyes. "Come on, sir. I have no guilt about that. The frak-up was all on the XO."

"I'm not finished, Kara," Adama whispered. "The virus started attacking us through our normal ship functions. They messed with the electronics in the CIC and the landing system in the hangar bay. Dee was almost electrocuted, and Seelix suffered a broken arm from an accident caused by an out of control Viper. They're both fine, thankfully." Kara gave a small nod of understanding. "The worst attack was on the firing range one floor below the officer's quarters. The oxygen was cut off for far too long without anyone realizing, and when it was discovered, the door had been bolted shut."

Kara's eyes went wide as she remembered whose personal hideaway that particular firing range was. After a moment of silence, she found the strength to whisper, "Lee?"

"He barely had a pulse by the time we got through the door. Doc Cottle did the best he could with what he had, and he did stabilize Lee after working for over an hour."

Kara pulled her hand from Anders and pushed the tears out of her eyes. "Where is he now?"

"He's in the fifth curtain area, back away from the main traffic. There's something you need to know, Kara." Adama shut his eyes and sighed before looking back up at her. "He hasn't woken up. It's been four days, and he's still in the coma."

Adama watched her bite her lip and smile, fighting to remain brave. She took a step forward before turning to look at the man beside her. "I need to do this alone, Sam," she whispered.

"I understand," Anders replied even though he really didn't. She had mentioned Lee, her CAG here on Galactica and the Commander's son, but it had never seemed like she was particularly close to him. Anders had never seen Kara struggle to hold back tears like she was now, so obviously she had left a few things out when she told him about her life.

Kara glanced at both men once more before she walked into sickbay. Anders turned to the man beside him. "I'm Samuel Anders. I was the captain of the Caprica-"

"You're the reason she went back there," Adama said shortly.

Anders let the older man measure him up and down before answering. "She wanted to stay and help the resistance I was leading as we tried to destroy as many Cylon farms as possible, but I wouldn't let her. Kara made me a promise that she would come back to get me… us."

"Come with me," Adama said as he started walking again. "We need to talk. Seeing as you're the self-proclaimed leader, you can brief me on the situation you were in for the past few months. The President is currently on board and I'll have the XO and our temporary CAG paged so you only have to go through this once. The briefing should only take about an hour if you give it to us straight. I'm sure you're exhausted by now, and the last thing you want to do is talk with us. It has to be done, though, and now's as good of a time as any."

"Thank you, sir," Anders said. "It'll be nice to have a distraction until Kara's done."

Adama pulled the ex-pyramid player to a stop. "She never mentioned who Lee was, did she?"

"She told me he was her CAG and your son," Anders replied. "Why?"

"Because if she told you who Lee was, you'd know she won't be stepping foot outside that sickbay until he wakes up." Adama let the information sick in before he started moving again. Anders was helpless to do anything but follow.

This was not the welcome he had expected.


	2. Chapter 2

For the first two hours, all Kara could do was sit in the chair next to the bed, holding tightly to Lee's hand. The situation had to sink in before she could start thinking about how to fix it.

The Commander had told her not to feel guilt even though he had a feeling she wouldn't listen. He was right. When it came to Lee, she couldn't hold back the guilt even if she wanted to. It was odd how he had slowly slipped into her life to give her a purpose. She had the Cylons to fight and humanity to protect, but when it came down to it, she survived day to day knowing she was keeping the Old Man's son and her best friend in the world safe from harm.

It was sort of funny. At times like these, most people felt the need to start confessing their sins and admitting the things they had never had the courage to say. Lee was lying right in front of her, a captive audience to say the least. Yet she didn't feel the need to say a word. Everything she could possible tell him, he already knew.

Did she wish she had been on Galactica to save him? He knew she did.

Did she want him to know how much she loved him? He loved her just as much.

Did he know how desperately she wanted him to keep fighting to wake up? He was doing everything he could.

Did he know when he woke up, she would be by his side? He wouldn't imagine anything less.

As the third hour came and went, Kara felt her back and knee tightening up. She had pushed her body to the extreme during her two trips to Caprica. Knowing he wouldn't care, she scooted onto the bed next to Lee and wrapped her arm solidly around his body. She never thought _she_ would be the one to hold _him_.

That was how Anders found her, quietly fading in and out of sleep. She didn't have the courage or the strength to pull away from Lee so she just stared at the man she had risked everything to save, knowing she was in the arms of another man.

"It seems you left out a few things about your life on Galactica," Anders pointed out. She could sense annoyance in his voice, but on the bright side, he definitely wasn't angry.

"It felt easier just to wait until we got back here."

Anders walked the rest of the way into the room and took a seat in the chair Kara had already spent hours in. "Then start talking."

Kara pulled herself up to a seated position, trying her best to shove the absurdity of her situation to the back of her head. She was in bed with the brother of her dead fiancé, talking with the man who was currently trying to fill that position left vacant by Zak. She knew she should feel guilty, should want to put some distance between herself and Lee, but something inside of her didn't want to let Lee go for even one second. He had to know she was there, waiting for him, if he was going to pull himself out of this.

"I'm waiting, Kara."

Anders' impatience rubbed her the wrong way immediately. "Fine. Do you want me to give you the flowers and puppy dog version? Or do you want me to just lay the truth on you?"

"Don't lie to me," he answered honestly.

"Fine. We'll start with the facts. Lee is the CAG on Galactica, though that was never his choosing. Just like you and the resistance, he was thrown into it when the world ended. He's the Commander's only living son. His brother, Zak, died after his graduation from flight school. I was one of his flight trainers and his fiancée at the time." Kara tried her best not to let her thoughts drift towards Zak. There wasn't time. "I met Lee through his brother, and I guess you could say I found my Viper soulmate. You should see us in the air. People say it's pure poetry in motion."

Kara saw Anders clench his jaw as he tried to reign in his jealousy. She would have felt bad for him if only he hadn't asked for her not to lie. "Zak died, I requested a post on Galactica, and my relationship with Lee became strained." For a second, she debated telling Anders the real reason why. Then she thought better. It had taken her two years to admit her part in Zak's death to his brother. She wasn't just going to volunteer the information to a man she had only met a month earlier. "He showed up on Galactica hours before the Cylons attacked. Nothing like the end of the world to mend old wounds, I guess."

"I understand how situations like we're in right now can intensify emotions."

Kara knew Anders was just trying to be understanding, but his inability to comprehend was trying on her patience. "You don't understand Lee and I. Our emotions for one another were always intense. We didn't need the world to end to give us that." Kara glanced at Lee. Even though he was lying motionless in the bed, his eyes closed, his face serene, Lee could still put a smile on her face like no one else. "Lee is one of the few people I respect. He's worked hard to earn that right, and he's one of the few people I'd give my life for in a heartbeat. There's not many men like him left in this world." Kara glanced over at Anders and was surprised to see him looking shell shocked. "That's pretty much the heart of who Lee is."

"And you weren't going to tell me any of this until later?"

"I didn't think I had to." She watched Ander's gaze shift down to where she still held Lee's hand. She knew it was making him uncomfortable.

"It sounds like you really love this guy."

It was almost like he was challenging her to admit it, and Starbuck never backed down from a challenge. "I do."

"Maybe I should leave you two alone."

His words cut through her. She would have thought Anders would be more sympathetic. Granted it was his first day back to the Fleet, but her best friend was struggling to fight his way back to life. It would have been nice to know her boyfriend was behind her while she figured out a way to bring Lee back.

"Maybe you should," she whispered while sinking back down against Lee.

"They've given me an empty bed in the bunkroom down on sub-level J, in case you want to find me."

"As soon as he wakes up," Kara said, knowing she was hammering the nail into the coffin. She felt something for this ex-pyramid player. She wasn't sure what it was yet, but there was something there. If he couldn't take her relationship with Lee, though, it was better that they ended it now. Lee Adama was a part of her life again, and she wasn't going to sacrifice that for anyone, including herself.

The room filled up with silence again as Kara found herself alone once more. She figured she had a few hours before the Commander started to worry and came down to see her.

"Good night, Lee," she whispered and tried her best to get the rest she desperately needed.


	3. Chapter 3

Kara stepped out of the head, a towel wrapped firmly around her body. The Old Man had kicked her out of sickbay twenty minutes earlier and demanded she take a shower. She had been sitting at Lee's bedside for three days straight, and it was starting to show.

Lee's condition had shown no change. He was still stable and sleeping peacefully. Doc Cottle said he could wake up any second or he could never wake up. There was no way to tell.

Still, Kara felt compelled to stay by his side. She had done all she could to avoid being thrown back into the flight rotation, and every time someone brought up the possibility of her taking on the CAG position, she changed the subject. If she became CAG, it would feel like a betrayal of Lee. She would be admitting that he wasn't going to wake up to take the position back for himself.

She had lost faith in him once, and he had proven her wrong by flying down a conveyor tunnel and blowing up a Cylon mining base. She wasn't about to lost faith in him again. He _would_ wake up.

"Kara!"

She felt herself stiffen at the sound of Anders' voice. She had actively avoided the resistance leader during the few minutes each day that the Commander kicked her out of sickbay. Anders' inability to accept that maybe there were things in her life that she couldn't just offer up to him without hesitation had hurt her. Wounds had never healed easily for her.

"Please, Kara! Wait!"

The pleading in his voice made Kara slow down, but she couldn't bring herself to stop and face him. He reached out to grab her arm, and she did her best to pull away without seeming mad. It wasn't anger that had hold of her. It was disappointment.

"Would you stop for two seconds so I can talk with you?" Anders begged.

"No," she said. The chill in her voice couldn't be hidden even if she tried. "I need to get back to Lee."

"I was surprised to hear you left his side," Anders replied bitterly.

Kara turned to give him the iciest stare she could muster as she continued to make her way to the bunkroom. "Do not speak to me that way if you don't want to be dropped on your ass."

"I'm sorry. This isn't coming out the way I want it to."

"Then maybe you should leave me alone," she hissed.

"Listen, Kara. I wanted to say I'm sorry. I thought about what I would do if I were in your place, and I know there's no way I could focus on anything other than my friend who was hurt."

"That would be an incredibly noble thing for you to say if only you weren't talking out of your ass," Kara scoffed.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"How hurt were you when Sue-Shaun was taken? How long did it take you to mourn her after she forced me to pull the plug on her life? Did you even think about her in the days she was gone?"

"That is a low blow, Kara," Anders said.

Kara paused at the hatchway door to the officer's quarters. "Now you know what it feels like to have someone you care about treat your mourning and guilt and pain like it means nothing."

She felt Anders stiffen at her blunt words, and he paused over the threshold of the bunkroom. Kara ruffled through her locker for clothes before addressing him again. "If you have something else to say to me, you should say it. I'm going to be going back to Lee's side in the next few minutes, and you probably won't run into me again."

"Kara, I can't take it if you don't let me back in."

She straightened up and looked at him. "Give me a reason to, and I might, Sam."

"I missed you every day you were gone, but never once did I lose faith that you were going to come back for me. You promised me, and even though I had only known you for a few weeks, I knew that meant something."

"If I say I'm going to do something, I do it," she said as she slipped a pair of underwear on under the towel and flung it to the floor. She grabbed her double tanks and slid them over her head.

"I was stupid. I got to the Fleet and I expected it to be exactly like Caprica. You told me that it was different but I didn't really understand before. I mean, you were fighting for your life in the sky, and I was fighting for my life on the ground. It couldn't have been that different."

"Our lives are worlds apart," she pointed out, grabbing pants out of the open locker.

"Three days of living on Galactica have shown me that," he agreed. "You were out there doing your best to keep others alive while I selfishly fought only for myself. That makes you a much better person than I am."

She stiffened up and turned to look at him. "That is not the route to take with me."

"Noted. I just want to say that I understand this is what you have to do right now. The world has become a small place. If you're lucky enough to still have someone on which you can depend, you need to hang onto that. Lee Adama is obviously that person for you so you should be by his side doing whatever you can to help him fight."

"That was the reaction I expected you to have in the first place," Kara admitted. She gave him a small shrug. "Too bad it took you three extra days to get there."

Anders watched her reach into the locker to grab a sweatshirt and shrug it on. "I'm not saying I'm perfect here. It's hard to see you like that with another man."

"My behavior when it comes to Lee won't be changing anytime soon." Kara grabbed one last thing out of her locker before slamming the door shut. "I've tried to keep our relationship inside the realm of what everyone considers acceptable. It doesn't work. Lee and I are special. We always have been." She looked down at the ground and, shaking her head, let out a small chuckle. "You know, that used to make me uncomfortable. Now, I would give up everything to keep that from changing. It's become a comfort."

When she looked up at Anders, she was surprised to see he wasn't even listening to her anymore. Instead, his attention was focused on the dogtags in her hand. Doing her best to seem nonchalant, she slipped the metal chains over her head. The cold metal rested against her chest.

"I thought the military only issued two tags per enlisted."

Kara lifted her chin in defiance. "They do."

"Then why do you have three?" he asked.

"They're Lee's," she declared. "The Commander gave them to me for safe keeping." She cleared her throat and kept explaining. "When Zak died, his father gave me his tags and it helped pull me out of whatever hole I had fallen into. I guess he figured the same might be true with Lee."

"I can relate," Anders said. He reached into his shirts and pulled out the chain holding the dog tag she had given him. "It gave me strength when I needed it." His hands released the clasp and he held it out.

Kara shook her head. "You keep it." She pushed past him and was almost out the hatch when she turned to look back. He looked so happy, almost as if her letting him keep the dog tag meant he had her forgiveness. He was mistaken. "I don't need it anymore." She grasped her three dogtags tightly. "I have all the strength I need."

Forgiveness from Kara Thrace never came at an easy price.


	4. Chapter 4

Kara could feel her hands shaking as she stepped outside the Viper cockpit. It was the first time she had flown since her knee had healed, and it hadn't been her choice. As the Old Man said, a Cylon Basestar jumps into the system and you want Starbuck in the air. She had had no other option but to lead the remnants of the air group into battle.

She had done all she could, but over a third of the pilots Galactica had died out there. Keys and Lionclaw were the only two surviving members of her last class of nuggets. She had personally watched the others die one by one as the Cylon Raiders proved their accuracy.

"Starbuck!"

Kara snapped to attention and looked over at Racetrack. She was supporting Helo as best she could with her small frame. There was blood everywhere.

"What happened?" Kara screamed as she got close and slid an arm under the other side of Helo.

"The Cylons got the drop on us. There was an explosion, and it was all I could do to land our fraking Raptor in one piece. Helo must have been right next to where the blast punctured the wall, and I heard this loud bang..."

Kara tried to listen as Racetrack told her every single excruciating detail of what happened, but distractions were everywhere. There was a small piece of metal sticking out of Helo's side, and it was currently poking her in the ribs. The trio of pilots were too wide for the smaller corridors, and Kara's left shoulder and arm kept banging into the wall. The corridor floors below them were stained red with blood as they shuffled along. People kept staring, but no one thought to go get help. All these things flashed through her mind as she struggled under the weight.

"… and I don't think he's going to make it," Racetrack finished.

"I do not want to hear you say that ever again," Kara growled as they finally stumbled through the hatchway to sickbay. She was getting tired of everyone around her losing hope.

Two medics immediately approached them and took the brunt of Helo's weight upon themselves as they led him to a bed. Kara watched Doc Cottle's face turn white as he came over to check out the situation. Immediately he started yelling for someone to get Ishay over here to help him.

"Doc," Kara whispered from her position, leaning against the wall.

"I know, Lieutenant," he grumbled while throwing on the operating scrubs.

"You have to make this better," she insisted.

"Need I remind you I am not a miracle worker?"

She shut her eyes and reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose. It didn't help the pounding in her head disappear. "Is it going to take a miracle?"

The Doc didn't answer.

Kara became hypnotized by the movements of Doc Cottle and Layne Ishay as they worked together to remove the pieces of shrapnel. She watched them do their best to stop the bleeding and sew together all the lacerations in her friend. There was a puddle of dark crimson growing on the floor around the gurney, and Kara wondered if the floor would ever be clean again.

Racetrack stood beside her the whole time as the struggle to save Helo raged on. The two women didn't touch. They didn't talk. They didn't move one inch. They just leaned against the wall side by side and wondered if their friend would make it through the hour.

Kara hadn't realized how close Racetrack had gotten to Helo since they had been assigned the same Raptor. Then again, she had been gone for the first few weeks Helo had been back in the Fleet. He had told her she missed a lot, but it was hard knowing what he meant by a lot. It appeared _a lot_ included whole friendships.

"You're bleeding, Lieutenant."

Kara snapped out of her haze to look over at the medic. "Excuse me?"

"Your arm is all scraped up," Ishay explained.

Kara looked down and saw the still wet blood from the cuts mingled in with the dried blood of Helo's. She hadn't even felt the pain. "I didn't notice."

"I can stitch you up," she offered.

"No. I'm fine. Focus on him."

"There's nothing more we can do," Ishay explained. "The metal missed his vital organs, and we managed to stop the bleeding in most areas. Only a few pieces went deep enough for us to even worry about the damage caused by pulling them out."

Kara held up her hand as the information began to pound against the sides of her hand. "Is Helo going to be all right?"

"He should be. Give him a few hours to sleep off part of the pain and most of the drugs we've given him." Ishay sighed. "Until then, I suggest you go get cleaned up. If those cuts are really bad, come back and I'll sew you up."

Kara nodded her understanding and stumbled away from the gentle beeping of the machines monitoring Helo's heart. She had daydreamed her way through most of the trauma, her mind intent on thinking of pointless things. It didn't matter as long as her brain kept moving. She didn't have time to deal with a complete meltdown.

Looking down at her hands, Kara realized they were still shaking. Only now they were also covered in blood. Her mind flashed back to her time on Caprica when she had been shot by the Cylons. Then there was the days after Zak's funeral when all she could see was the blood on her hands, on the walls of her apartment, in the words of everyone around her, on every inch of her insides

Kara rubbed at her hands, but it was no use. The blood wouldn't go away.

She felt herself stop without consciously telling herself to do so, but she wasn't all that surprised at what was in front of her. It was only natural that her feet would let her drift to the only closed curtain in the whole sickbay. As she pushed the curtain a few inches, she wondered if her hand would stain the sterile, white environment. She had always been the dirty girl in the middle of the clean world. She would always be the one stain in the shining armor of the man behind the curtain.

Her thoughts turned to the pilots they had lost to the Cylons only a short time ago. She might not have known a lot of them, but she could feel herself begin to mourn for each and every one. Today, the last traces of the humanity fought for their lives and won but at a terrible price. She had been in charge of keeping them safe, and she failed.

The cries caught in her throat, taking her by surprise as she stood next to Lee's bed. Her mind usually kept the tears on the inside, but it seemed like it was all finally adding up to be too much. She could feel her body shutting down.

The first thing to give out was her injured knee, and she used the bed to steady herself. When she felt the shifted weight begin to put pressure on her other knee, she gave up on her fight to stay strong. She was breaking down, and all she could do was let herself go.

Her hands grasped the bed as she pulled her body up next to Lee's. She could feel the dirt and blood and sweat caked on her body and knew she should try to keep away. Yet there was no way she could. She laid herself across Lee's body and let the cries take over. Her body wrenched with sobs that came harder and faster than anything she had ever felt. She struggled to take a breath as her lungs emptied themselves of the pain of living. Her tears were wetting the dried blood, and she could see the red beginning to spread across the tanks Lee's father had brought him earlier that day. She was ruining some of the last unsoiled clothes in the Fleet.

That thought, for some reason, made her cry even harder.

She was so lost in her pain that she didn't feel his hand moved until it had reached up to rest in her hair. Her eyes light up in confusion and wonder when she saw his eyes slowly slide open. "Hello, beautiful," he whispered, his voice dry from not being used.

"I need to get a doctor," Kara said, trying to pull herself to her feet in order to do the responsible thing. Lee's hand slipped to her shoulder and with what little strength he had, he held on.

"Please don't go."

Kara weighed his request against the reality that he had just woken up from a deep coma. There were probably a million tests that Doc Cottle and his over exuberant medic were dying to perform. There was a thousand different people on this ship who should be told Lee had woken up. There were hundreds of commitments Kara needed to fill now that the attack on the Cylons was finished. There was only one thing she yearned to do.

Weighing the million tests, thousands of people, and hundreds of commitments against her one desire, there was really only one option.

"I'm not going anywhere, Lee," she replied, lying down at his side again.


	5. Chapter 5

Two days later, Doc Cottle had pronounced Lee's recovery a miracle. There was no long term damage from the oxygen deprivation, and it seemed like after a small amount of downtime, he would be back to running the Air Group like normal.

Kara had refused to leave Lee's side for more than a few minutes at a time. He had asked her to stay, and she was going to get as much out of his request as she could. It had been years since she was able to spend some time with Lee that didn't involve high stress levels and probable death.

Racetrack had brought her a deck of triad cards early that morning as she showed up to visit Helo in sickbay. It was funny that the two men they cared about most had to both almost die for Kara to start to understand Margaret Edmonson. It seemed like they had finally related on the most simple of levels. Despite everything that had happened, though, there were still a few things about Racetrack that Kara just couldn't get to add up. For instance, that morning Racetrack had asked Kara what was happening with Anders. Kara wasn't sure why Racetrack would care about her most recent fraked up relationship, but she wasn't going to waste time trying to figure it out. There were more important things at hand..

Kara was in the middle of beating Lee for the fifth hand in a row when a subtle coughing tore her eyes away from the game. Anders was standing in front of the open curtain, looking rather lost and extremely uncomfortable. It looked like Kara might have something new to tell Racetrack next time she saw her.

"Can I help you?" Kara asked coldly. She saw Lee shoot her a funny look but decided to ignore him. She had to focus because, if she was up to par today, she could get rid of Anders before he said anything that would really piss her off.

"I heard Captain Adama had woken up. I wanted to see for myself," Anders explained.

"So now you've seen." Kara twisted her gaze back down to the cards in her hand. "I swear to the gods, Lee, there's no way you can beat my hand."

"You're bluffing," Lee pointed out. "I can tell because you started biting on your bottom lip."

Kara's face turned red. She had forgotten Lee had learned her tells years before. Frak him and his good memory!

Lee turned away from the game as Kara threw her hand down in disgust and looked over at Anders. "I'm sorry for Lieutenant Thrace's rudeness. We've never met. I'm Captain Lee Adama, but everyone calls me Apollo."

"The call sign of a god," Anders pointed out.

"And no one ever lets me forget it."

"I'm Samuel Anders." He stepped forward to offer his hand to Lee and did his best to ignore the look of hate radiating from Kara. Unfortunately, that meant he didn't miss the recognition that lit up Lee's face. Obviously, Kara had told him about her time on Caprica. "I just wanted to see for my own eyes that you were awake. Kara's been worried sick about you."

"I doubt that," Lee smirked.

Anders' eyes narrowed in confusion. Did this man actually have no clue how much Kara loved him? Kara had been right when she said her relationship with Lee was frakked up in every way imaginable.

Lee's voice cut into Anders' thoughts. "Can I ask you something?"

"Go right ahead."

"Do you know anything about that damn mystery scar Kara's sporting on her abdomen? She won't tell me a thing about it except that it's the Cylons' doing."

"Hey!" Kara said, chiming into the conversation for the first time. "If you have something to ask me, then just ask me, Adama."

"You aren't going to answer me," he pointed out. "You'll just dance around the truth until I get frustrated and try to punch you."

"You couldn't land a punch if you tried!" she taunted.

Lee shook his head and turned to Anders. "See? She's doing it now." He pointed a finger at Kara. "Redirection is not going to keep him from answering my question."

Anders could see the anger flash across Kara's face and suddenly understood that she wasn't above knocking out a man who had just spent time in a coma. He figured he better answer as quickly as possible. "She didn't tell me a lot about the scar. Just that the Cylons did it and it had some connection to the farm."

Lee nodded. Kara had briefed him about what really happened on Caprica hours after he woke up. She had told him about the farms and about the fact that the Cylons had had her locked up in one. She had mentioned the operation and their tactics at trying to get her to crack, but she had refused to give him one piece of information about that scar. It hadn't gone unnoticed either.

"I'm going to go," Anders said, gesturing towards the open curtain.

"I think that's best," Kara growled.

"Listen, Kara. You and I still need to talk about a few things."

"I thought you had said it all."

Anders's eyes drifted to Lee before looking back at Kara. "Not by a long shot, Thrace."

Kara felt her stomach turn as Anders left the curtained-in area. It looked like the pyramid captain had decided she was worth fighting for. He was willing to take on Lee, a man who didn't even know he was fighting to keep her. Too bad Anders didn't understand that his true opponent was Kara herself.

"What was that all about, Kara?" Lee asked, cutting into her thoughts. "I thought that guy was just someone you met while on Caprica."

"He is."

"Then why the hell was he looking at you like he would give anything to frak you?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Lee?" she hissed. Her hands reached out to gather up the long-forgotten triad cards so that she wouldn't have to look him in the eye.

"I know there are things you left out about your time on Caprica. At the time, it didn't seem smart to push you, but I think I'm going to chance it now. What does this Anders guy mean to you?"

"We had a little thing," Kara said casually. "I guess I thought I owed him something which is why I went back to Caprica. When we got back to the Fleet, I realized I had overestimated his feelings for me."

"And your feelings for him? How did they measure up?"

"I overestimated them, too," she said shortly. "Now are we going to play triad or what?"

"I'm tired of playing cards," he admitted. "I was only doing it so you wouldn't leave me."

The irony of his words didn't go unnoticed by Kara. She was doing her best to give herself reasons to stay, and he was doing his best to figure out ways to keep her from going. At least they were being true to form in their complete lack of communication.

"Lee!" she scolded with a roll of her eyes. "I promised I would stay."

"I know, but you've promised that before." The true meaning of his words hung between them. There were still many raw wounds that lay untouched between them.

"Things were different then. To use your words, I didn't have my priorities in order."

Lee scrunched up his nose in disgust. "I don't say stuff like that."

"You say things exactly like that," she laughed. "That's why everyone thinks you have a stick shoved up your ass."

"Ha ha. Very funny."

The area filled with uncomfortable silence as the familiar comfort of bickering disappeared.

"Seriously, Kara. You feel something for that Anders guy, you should figure out a way to forgive him. Even if you have to swallow a whole lot of hurt, you should do what makes you happy. Plus, he looked downright miserable. You don't want to be the one causing that pain in him."

"You're one to talk," Kara pointed out. "When was the last time you were in a real relationship?"

"Three years ago," Lee answered truthfully. "It was well before I lost myself in the military life."

"That's right! You were dating that bar singer from Picon. What was her name?"

"Gianne."

"She was the nightly act at that shithole you liked to drink at," Kara said as her mind started recollecting the details. "Whatever happened with her?"

"It didn't work out."

"You two seemed happy. I really thought you were going to beat Zak and I to the altar."

"It didn't work out," Lee repeated.

"You criticize me for being cryptic, and yet you're the same way," she exclaimed. "How hypocritical of you, Captain!"

"I'm not proud of what happened between Gianne and I, and honestly I'd rather not talk about it."

"Come on, Lee. It's me. Nothing you say can lower my already low opinion of you."

"True," he laughed. It was funny how often comments that would usually anger him only made him laugh when it was Kara doing the teasing.

Kara persisted. "So tell me what happened."

"I broke up with her on the Feast of Aphrodite."

"You broke up with her on the one day that's devoted to people being in love? On a day the girl probably thought you were going to propose or make some sort of commitment to her? That's harsh even for you."

"I just wanted to keep her from suffering anymore."

"Why would Gianne have been suffering? Last I checked you two were incredibly happy with one another."

"I thought we were, but things change."

"Zak told me that you were talking about marriage with her. You were even going to figure out a way to get your father on Caprica so he could meet her."

"He told you that?"

"He talked about you all the time, Lee. I felt like I knew you even before he introduced us." Kara smiled and shook her head slightly. "But this conversation is not about you and me and it's not about Zak. What made you change your mind about Gianne?"

"You're not going to let up until I tell you," he observed.

Kara shook her head.

"Fine. I cared for Gianne. She was a nice girl, very pretty, and the exact kind of wife I knew my father would approve of. I thought I loved her."

"You _thought_?"

"I found myself falling in love with someone else, and it wasn't fair to her. She deserved more than being stuck with a man who could do that kind of thing to her."

"So you left Gianne?" He nodded. "Because you didn't want to hurt her?"

"I didn't love her like she deserved to be."

"So then what happened with the woman you suddenly found yourself in love with?"

Lee's face stiffened. "It didn't work out."

"She didn't love you?"

"She never knew," Lee said.

Her curiosity was starting to get the better of her. Even though she knew Lee was evading an admission of all the details for a reason, she couldn't help but ask just one more question. "Who was it?"

"I'm tired, Kara. Maybe I should take a nap before I pass out from overexertion."

"That's very mature," she said as she stepped to her feet. "Awkward question? Let's just kick Starbuck out! That'll make it all better."

"I'm not kicking you off. I'm just apologizing in case I fall asleep on you."

Kara knew it was a lie. He wasn't tired. Lee had spent practically the whole morning begging her to figure out a way to get him an all-clear from Cottle. He was just avoiding answering her question, and for once, she had no clue why.

It was odd. They had always kept some things secret from one another, usually for a good reason. There were things about his past that Lee obviously didn't want her to know, and there were things about her past and her present that she was too scared to tell him. It had never seemed so obvious before now, though.

Kara sat there in silence and let Lee retreat into the safety of pretend sleep. It hurt her to hold back the things she had gone through on Caprica, but she knew he would just worry for her. Lee had enough weight on his shoulders. She didn't need to dump even more on him.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, doing her best not to jar Lee away from his sleep. He was resting his eyes and grumbling slightly as he shifted to find a comfortable spot. It was his normal fussy routine. Her hand reached out to rub soothing circles into his back. She had seen this routine a thousand times, and yet it never lost its cuteness. There was something about a grown man acting like a fussy five-year-old that made her smile grow just a little wider. She could just imagine how exhausting the job of raising Lee's children would be if they were anything like their father.

That thought stopped her hand in its tracks. When had she started imagining what being the mother of Lee's children would demand?

"Kara?" Lee's eyes were open and staring up at her expectantly.

The hesitance in his voice made her pause before asking, "Yes?"

"I really would like to know more about that scar."

She chuckled. "I knew you weren't really tired."

"I am," he insisted. "Playing triad with you is always exhausting." Lee turned his body to face her. "I'm not too tired to listen, though. There's something about that scar that you don't want anyone to know. Something hurt you so much that you don't feel safe letting anyone know. You're pretty vulnerable right now, but you don't think anyone's noticed. I have, though. Kara, there are things in your life that are going to cause you pain, and I don't think you should have to deal with that all by yourself."

"Maybe I like not having to depend on other people," she grumbled.

Lee let out a small laugh. "Kara, you depend on people even when you don't realize. How many times have you thrown your Viper into a death-defying move, knowing that if something went wrong, I would save you?"

"Too many times to count," she admitted after thinking it over for a few seconds.

"Make a little adjustment, and depend on me when we're not in the air, too. The pain will eat you away inside if you don't, and that's a sight I never want to see again."

Kara stared at his sudden honesty. It was a relief to actually hear him say all the important things that she had heard in his voice every time he said her name. "The scar was put there by the Cylons, but it had nothing to do with the bullet wound. The Cylon doctor who was treating me was so preoccupied with procreation and the repopulation of the species. He seemed particularly intrigued with me and my womb." She rolled her eyes at the last word. She had always hated that word. "I'm still not sure what they did to me."

She looked up to see Lee struggling to keep his mouth clamped shut. Obviously, even with this little amount of information, he was piecing together the same conclusion. "Don't get angry," she whispered, staring down at her hands. "I don't think it's permanent."

"You don't _think_? Do not tell me you haven't had Cottle check it out yet, Kara!"

"There hasn't been time. I got back to the Fleet and then we had to go on that quest for the Tomb of Athena. I got back to Galactica and the President gave me the go ahead to return to Caprica. I got back from Caprica and you were in a coma. There hasn't been time."

Lee reached out to lay his hand on top of hers. "Kara, you don't have to lie."

"What am I lying about?"

"The reasons you haven't been to see the Doc," Lee replied.

Her eyes went wide, but his face looked so understanding yet insistent that Kara felt herself begin to crack. "So I'm scared? Is that so wrong?" she yelled through the tears. "Is it my fault that having a machine open me up to take a look under the hood is so fraking scary?"

Lee stared at her in surprise for a moment before he burst out laughing. "Did you just say 'take a look under the hood' in context to your body?" he choked out.

"Maybe it was a bad analogy," she admitted. They sat together, hands entwined, for a few tense moments before Kara drew back. "You do need your sleep, though, so I think we're done with sharing time."

"Don't forget what I said about Anders," Lee reminded her. "If you care about him, don't let your pride get in the way. And if you're so scared about having Cottle check out the scar, just have him do it the next time he comes in here to check on me. I'll hold your hand."

Kara nodded, and after giving Lee a small kiss on the forehead, left the room.


	6. Chapter 6

It only took a few days after Lee gave his advice to Kara for everything to change between them

Kara still came to visit him every second she wasn't in the air or working on her Viper in the hangar bay. She had even taken to doing the paperwork necessary for her job as temporary CAG right next to him on the bed. But somehow, Lee had withdrawn from her. He didn't ask her any more questions about Caprica or about Anders. In fact, he barely asked her any questions at all. They still had their easy form of banter, but his usual concern wasn't there. Lee had begun to stare at her when he didn't think she would notice. Something seemed to be circling through his head, but Kara couldn't figure out what that could be.

Then, Doc Cottle cleared Lee and instead of asking her to take the CAG to his bunk, Kara was requested to take Lee to the mission planning level of the CIC. When she asked Lee what that was all about as they slowly made their way through Galactica's corridors, he simply told her his father had been to see him earlier that day when he heard Lee's release was at hand.

When they entered the room to see all the little model Vipers and Raptors set out on the table, Kara couldn't say she was surprised. She figured the choice of room wasn't by coincidence. A mission was being planned, and somehow Lee had already managed to make himself a part of it.

What surprised her were the people already in the room waiting for them.

There were the usual players, Colonel Tigh, Commander Adama, President Roslin, all standing shoulder to shoulder. In front of them was an odd trio to say the least. Helo was looking awkwardly at the two people standing on either side of him, the Cylon he had fallen in love with and the murderer of her other copy. Boomer and Cally did not looked pleased to be in the same room. Every inch of air was filled with uncomfortable silence.

"Something I should be privy to?" Kara whispered to Lee as they entered the CIC.

"You're not going to like this," Lee warned before walking slowly to stand beside his father. "Cottle just gave me the all clear, sir. We can get started."

Kara got into line beside Cally, guessing that her place was beside them rather than Lee. It seemed like this was the line for those that did not have one fraking clue what was about to happen.

The President stepped forward to begin. "Captain Adama has been asked to head a new mission that the Commander and I devised. The presence of survivors on Caprica has become common knowledge in the Fleet since Lieutenant Thrace ran the rescue mission back to her home planet. People have begun to question what right the Capricans had to be given such an honor. We risked time and important resources for that mission, and there is now buzz throughout the Fleet that the only reason for this was because of my own ties to the planet of my birth."

"That's fraking bullshit," Kara hissed.

"Lieutenant Thrace, need I remind you that this is an official meeting?" Tigh warned her.

Kara fought the urge to make an obscene gesture in his direction. Biting her tongue, she turned back to the President. "Sorry, Madam President."

"No, I share your sentiments, Lieutenant, which is the reason I went to your Commander with the gossip instead of just ignoring it."

Commander Adama stepped forward. "The President and I have asked Apollo to take a temporary leave of absence from his position as CAG in order to run covert missions to the other eleven colonies to search for survivors."

Kara heard Cally gasp beside her and could see both Helo and Boomer freeze up in fear. It looked like it was up to her to point out the truth. "Forgive me, sirs, but are you fraking insane?" Lee lost it, his whole body shaking as he fought to keep the laughter inside, and it was all Kara could do to keep her face straight.

"We've thought this through, Lieutenant," the President said seriously, even though a smile was flitting across her face. "We're at a time when the Fleet is running comfortable. Everyone had settled into this life, tough as it may be."

"Colonel Tigh has been working with Lieutenant Gaeta while I've been… incapacitated," Lee said, taking over the explanation. "They've plotted out a course of jump coordinates for us. My team will only be given the first set which will take us to one of the planets. We won't even known which one until we get there. Once there, we do our best to find out if there is anyone still alive. We have three days to search and then we jump to the return coordinates. The Fleet will meet us there a few hours after our jump. Upon completion of each phase, we will be dock with Galactica and receive our next coordinates."

"I still say it's crazy," Kara muttered, making Cally giggle.

"Crazy is normal mode of operations, isn't it?" Lee asked her.

Commander Adama stepped in before Kara could fire a comment back at his son. "Captain Adama has selected his team very carefully in the past twenty-four hours. The six of you will be the only people standing between us and the Cylons."

"Wait a moment!" Starbuck held up her hand. "Did you say six? Because I'm only counting five."

"That's because you haven't turned around since you stepped into this room, Kara."

Her body froze at the sound of Ander's voice, but instead of turning to look at where he stood just inside the closed hatchway, she looked over at Lee instead. He held her eyes from a moment before dropping his gaze.

"Captain Adama chose you six each for a specific reason," Roslin insisted. "He put a lot of thought into the selection before submitting your names for approval."

Adama stared at the five people standing in front of him until he saw each and every one nod their acceptance. "You'll be given a transport ship that's been loaded up with mid-range weapons and a highly capable FTL drive. You should be able to navigate it with just the six of you. It will be equipped with two Raptors and two Vipers. There should still be room enough to hold one hundred people, though the fit will be tight. The mission begins in five hours. Do what you have to do for now, but be in the hangar deck ready to go when that time is up."

Everyone snapped to attention as the President, the Commander, and the XO left the room. The hatch clicked shut and locked behind them. Lee let out a deep breath and turned back to look at the five people in front of him. "Everyone can relax now."

"Relax? I still have no fraking clue why I'm here!" Cally shrieked.

"Maybe it's because you're a good shot," Boomer growled.

"Yeah, I figured that might be a problem," Lee remarked. He walked over to the other side of the planning table and took a seat. "Too bad there's not time to have a therapy session where we all air our feelings. Unfortunately, the world as we knew it ended months ago, taking all those lovely comforts along with it. If I can't trust you to get the job done, then get out now."

Everyone stiffened as Lee's tone got across. He meant business with this one.

"I would have selected other people if I thought they could get the job done half as quick and effective as I know we can. Like the President and the Commander said, I chose you all for a reason. Anders, you obviously know the survivor mentality of someone who experienced the holocaust and came out alive. Boomer, you know the mentality of the other side. Helo, you're our connection to both. Cally, they're giving us five ships in total. I need to have them all up in the air." Lee turned back to his papers, searching for something.

Kara pushed herself off of the wall she was leaning on and walked over to stand in front of him. "What about me, Captain? What do I bring to this mission?"

She watched as Lee hesitated before answering, "You have intimate knowledge of the Cylon farms, Lieutenant. Should we encounter them, we'll need your expertise."

He saw Kara go pale and quickly shoved the papers back into the folder. "Look, I think this is enough for now. Like the Commander said, you have five hours before launch. Do with them what you will. Dismissed." His hand reached out for Kara's arm to hold her back as Helo, Cally, Boomer, and Anders all trickled out of the room. As soon as they were alone, he let out the breath he had been holding. "I'm sorry for that, Kara."

"Sorry for what?" she asked, playing dumb.

"Your experience with the farms isn't the main reason I put you on this mission."

"Let me guess. It's my out-of-the-box thinking?"

Lee shook his head. "Let's just say if I want to get this done, you're going to have to be by my side. I knew they were going to want me to take Anders along, and I don't know the guy well enough to understand if he has what it takes."

"He does," Kara replied.

"I'm not sure I can control him. For some reason, I get the hint that he doesn't really like me all that much." Lee paused to see if she would offer up an explanation. When she stayed silent, he continued explaining, "That was part of it, but there's so much more that I don't even have time to put into words. Basically, I told the President I would agree to this mission but only on one condition. No matter the risk, you had to be on my team. I can't do this without you, Kara."

Lee waited for Kara's reaction, sure she was going to start screaming at him about how selfish he was being. She stared at him a moment before reaching out to grasp his hand. "I would have insisted that I come with you if you hadn't chosen me," she whispered. "This only works if we're together."

Lee sighed and looked over at the stack of papers in the folder. "There's so much I have to do before this starts." He pushed himself up to his feet, taking a moment to pause as his vision blurred slightly.

Kara noticed his small falter. "Are you sure you're up to this, Lee?"

"There's no other option."

"I could run the mission. Everyone will listen to me."

"What I said before, Kara?" He waited for her to look up at him. "It goes the other way, too. I won't let you do this without me."

Kara narrowed his eyes at him before reaching out to grab the folder. She pushed herself up onto the mission planning table. "Okay, Mr. CAG. What needs to be done?"

"Don't you have something else to be doing with your last hours of freedom?" he joked as he took a seat next to her.

Her answer was nothing but honest. "Not really. The only person I'd have to say goodbye to is coming with me."

Lee tried not to let the massive grin spread beyond a small twitch in the corner of his mouth as they both buckled down to finish the mission planning.


	7. Chapter 7

After that initial launch, the days began to blur together. Life became simply a routine of jump, search, jump, repeat. The six Colonials barely had time to eat or sleep as they did their best to uncover the last remnants of humanity.

On Geminon, Boomer led them to the High Temple where they found twelve survivors. She claimed they were alive simply because the Cylons would not come into a house of false gods. It took Lee over five hours to convince the survivors that their best option was to abandon the house of worship to join with the Colonial Fleet. He found it ironic that he was the one speaking to them of the gods' plan for humanity. Kara had always been the religious one.

On Aquaria, Helo stumbled upon five survivors who had taken up residence in a cave down by the Seas of Poseidia. As they were leading them back to their ship, Kara and Lee fought about whether they had time to perform a sweep of the areas covered in water. She thought there might be a chance that some underwater facilities made it through the holocaust while he deemed there was no possible way. While they were arguing, a brigade of Centurians came upon them, and they were almost lost.

On Virgon, seventy-nine people were saved. Kara and Lee went through the whole operation without saying a word together. They simply worked as a seamless team.

On Leonis, they found only one survivor, a child hiding in the rough forest surrounding an abandoned school. The little girl never said a word to them.

On Tauron, they searched for three days without rest but did not come across one survivor. Instead they discovered farm after farm. Lee did his best to keep his troops moving without drawing attention to the fact that he was the only thing keeping Kara from collapsing under the strain of memories relived.

On Sagittaron, Anders risked his life to pull a family of six out of a minefield created by the Cylon bombs. They finished their survey of the planet in under two days and were able to blow up over twenty farms before jumping to FTL with the sixty-three survivors. Everyone turned their heads to the way Kara cried as she opened fire on the farms. Everyone ignored the way she fell into the comfort of Lee's arms as they stepped outside their Vipers when the offensive was over.

On Scorpion, they found the whole planet to be an ashy shell of what once was. The complete devastation brought on by the Cylons had killed every living person, animal, and plant. There was nothing to save.

On Canceron, through careful planning and execution, they somehow managed to squeeze one-hundred-fifty-two survivors onto their ship. No one would entertain the idea of leaving those who were worst off behind. While en route, two people succumbed to the nuclear radiation poisoning. Kara helped Lee quietly dispose of the bodies out the airlock. No one commented on the fact that Apollo and Starbuck were spending more and more time off on their own.

On Aerilon, one of the seventy-six survivors turned out to be Sharon Valerii's best friend from Academy. They had been roommates who bonded over their shared memories of the Troy mining colony. Lee managed to secure an empty storage locker on the ship to tell her that the woman she had loved so dearly was really a machine. Kara stood outside the door and did her best to ignore the sobs and cries coming from within.

On Libris, their ship broke down while they were jumping to FTL with the thirty survivors they found in the High Hills. Cally threw everything she had into the repairs as Kara and Lee did their best to protect the ship with only the weapons attached to their Vipers. The ship barely made it back to the Fleet before the main engine caught fire.

The survivor total stood at four-hundred-sixteen with one last colony to search.

Picon.


	8. Chapter 8

Kara, Lee, and Helo were all in silent agreement that Picon was going to be the hardest planet for them to face. It was a place they had all called home once, some more than others. Picon was Helo's sure bet when it came to pyramid games. It was the first place in a long string of military bases that Kara found herself calling home. It was the Academy on Picon that she chose to enter when she hurt her knee. Picon was where Lee kept an apartment for all those times he couldn't face going home to see his mother. There was a hole on Caprica that Lee was desperately to ignore, and Picon had stood for that avoidance.

Therefore, all three of them weren't too surprised when Boomer found it difficult to pinpoint where any survivors might be holed up. On every other planet, she had had some sort of intuition or opinion, but on Picon, she was clueless. This planet held nothing for her except memories of a life she did not live. The team was forced to randomly chose areas to search in hopes that their own intuition would lead them right.

That was the sole reason that Kara found herself trudging through her old stomping grounds in the military sector of Picon. Memories were hitting her left and right of days that were so simple and carefree. Her years working through the ranks of the Academy had probably been the only time she had lived without guilt.

"Something on your mind?"

Kara turned to look at Anders. She hadn't even noticed he had walked up beside her. "This place used to be my home," she explained.

"I understand. My team had bunkers back on Caprica. We stopped there the day we came down from the mountains. It was hard to see what had become of it."

Kara gave him a weak smile. He had been trying to get her to relate to him for several missions now, but she still found herself pulling away. She had given him a chance when she brought him to the Fleet, and he had blown it. Not to mention the fact that her giving him a chance had kept her from preventing some crazy Cylon virus's attack on her best friend.

She chuckled to herself. Calling Lee her best friend was a huge understatement. Slowly as they made their way across the other eleven colonies, Kara had come to realize that he was a hell of a lot more. She just hadn't been willing to admit that before now. Staring death in the face and giving it a big frak you could break a person's walls down rather quickly.

"There's movement up ahead," Lee yelled to the four people behind him. "Everybody at attention!"

Kara unholstered her gun as she made her way to stand beside Lee. "I have a bad feeling about this."

"Bad feeling that we're going to be shot by the Cylons or bad feeling we're going to be shot by the survivors we find?"

"A little of both," she smirked.

"I could do without being shot at for once."

Kara lowered her gun and turned to look at Lee. "Come on. I put up a lot of cover fire for you. You haven't even come close to getting hurt again."

"There's still been a few close calls."

"No way," she hissed. "I made sure you were safe."

Lee grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop, letting the others surge in front of them. "You know, you've seemed pretty fraking determined to keep me safe the whole time we've been on this mission. It makes a man wonder why he's so important?"

"Come on, Lee," she said, pulling away from his grasp. "You know why."

"Sometimes it's nice to hear you say it," he replied.

The honesty in his voice made it hard for her to lie, but Kara wasn't sure she could tell him the truth. Wouldn't he just laugh in her face to know how much she depended on him? She raised her eyes to look at him and the smile dancing across his face made her cringe. Frak! She did a lot more than just depend on him. If he kept looking at her like that, she just might admit it, too.

"How many days did I spend with you while you were in that coma?" she said, hoping this was a safe route to take. Everything she said to Lee always seemed to balance two steps away from dangerous.

"A lot, but I think it was mostly out of guilt."

"It was out of concern, you fraking moron," Boomer said as she walked up to them. "Now if you two clueless frakheads will get your head in the game, Helo thinks we're coming upon a hot zone."

Lee saw Kara holding back a laugh and realized that they may have lost a little bit of focus. After all, the Cylon had just scolded them. "Boomer, hang back," Lee said as he worked his way up to the front. "The survivors we find might recognize you."

That was the only warning given before the Cylons' cry rang through the air in the form of gunfire. Kara jumped into action, returning the fire as she ran up to cover Lee. She hadn't been lying. On all eleven of the planets they had jumped to, she had spent most of her time making sure Lee was safe. He had already gotten hurt once when she let down her guard and left him to fend for himself. She wasn't about to let that happen again.

She felt a bullet graze her shoulder, and the impact forced her to turn. Her eyes locked with Anders and Helo as the two men sought cover, and she felt herself wondering if maybe they should just leave Picon behind. These missions were starting to wear them down. She wasn't sure if any of them were up to convincing another group of holocaust survivors to leave the planet they called home for some distant promise of freedom.

"Kara, get your ass down on the ground!" Lee screamed over the gunfire.

Kara laughed at the naked concern in his voice as she threw herself down behind the same crumbling wall he was crouched behind. "Stop acting like you're responsible for me."

Lee paused in reloading his gun and gave her a funny look. "Aren't I?"

Kara didn't have time to figure out what the frak that meant as the wall exploded under a barrage of exploding rounds. She felt Lee's hand close around her arm as he dragged her off the ground and pulled her towards the building shell Helo and Boomer were crouched in. Kara glanced to the side and saw Anders throwing down cover fire for them. Her eyes continued to scan and saw the cause of all the commotion, a handful of Centurions.

It took Kara a few moments to realize Lee had let go of her arm at some point. When she turned to glance back at him, her heart dropped out. He had stopped running and was clutching his abdomen. Kara's eyes couldn't pull themselves away from how his hands were suddenly coated in red.

Kara heard someone call her name and tell her to hit the ground, and she obeyed mainly on instinct. She looked back up at where Lee still stood clutching his wound, his skin getting paler by the second, before she turned to see where the warning had come from. That was when she saw Anders bracing himself up against the wall, his arm hanging useless at his side with probably three bullets in the shoulder.

She shook the hair out of her face and her eyes locked with Helo's as he stood in the building across from her. "Go," he mouthed as both he and Boomer began to throw down more cover fire.

Kara didn't hesitate. Later, she would have time to wonder why she chose to go the way she did. Later she would wonder if it had to do with the severity of the wound or if it was just because she knew she couldn't live if he died. Later, she would have to figure out when she had realized she loved him.

For now, all she knew was she had to get to him.

Kara's arms came around Lee just as his knees buckled, and she managed to pull him to cover before they fell to the ground. Her hands went down to add more pressure to his wound.

"Where's your gun?" he whispered.

She looked up at his eyes which were already beginning to droop, and her anger seethed through her calm demeanor. "What the frak do I care?" she yelled. "It's out there somewhere. I don't know. I don't care."

"You should care," he scolded.

"You've been shot, Lee," she replied, pushing the hair out of her eyes with her shoulder.

Lee began to cough, and Kara did her best to ignore the way his body tensed in pain from the movement. His hand turned over to wrap itself around hers. "Kara, you need to let go. Get everyone back to the ship and get out of here. Picon doesn't matter that much. You need to get back to the Fleet."

"I should have known you'd try that brave crap with me." She glared down at him. "Well, it's not going to work. You're not going to be able to reason with my rational side or piss me off enough to make me leave you. We're doing this the way we were always supposed to."

She saw Lee's eyes glisten with some sort of recognition, and it brought a smile to her face. She hadn't been wrong. Neither one of them could bear to see the other one go before they did. She pulled her hand out of his to reach up and brush the side of his face.

It was right there on the tip of her tongue. Oblivious to the continuing gunshots and the sounds of Helo and Boomer screaming at her, Kara knew that this was the moment she had been holding herself back from since Lee first stepped foot on Galactica. It was going to happen now.

"Lee, I lo-"

And then the world around them exploded.


	9. Chapter 9

Kara's head started pounding even before she realized she was waking up. When she finally managed to force her eyes open, it felt like the whole world was exploding all over again.

"Relax, Kara. You're fine."

Kara forced herself to focus as she recognized the voice. It wasn't who she thought would be by her side. "Anders?"

"Yeah, I'm here," he said, grasping her hand. Her eyes shifted to his other arm, which was locked in place by a rather intimidating sling. "You scared us for a while there. You hit your head pretty hard in that blast."

Her mind closed around what he was saying, and suddenly she remembered where she had last been. "Lee? Where's Lee?"

"I'm right here, Kara," Lee answered, stepping away from the wall on the other side of the room. He limped over to stand on the opposite side of her bed and gave her a smirk. "What? Were you expecting me to be in a coma again?"

Her scowl made him laugh. His laughter only made her scowl more.

Lee immediately picked up on her bad mood and compensated in the only way he knew how. "Did you forget? You were here to protect me this time," he reminded her in that insanely soothing voice that she couldn't seem to get from anyone else.

Kara's hand reached out blindly, and she could feel him wince as she connected with his body just above the waist of his pants. So she hadn't imagined him being shot. It had happened. Her hand lingered, and she could feel Anders tense beside her. Her eyes stayed locked with Lee's for a few moments before she realized she was no longer in a dirty Picon street.

Lee could see Kara begin to panic. Her mind was trying to process the situation too quickly, but there was too much that had happened while she was out. He needed to get her to focus. "Guys, could you give me a minute alone with Kara while I fill her in on what's happened?"

Kara looked around and realized that Anders and Lee weren't the only people left in the room. Helo and Boomer were hanging back by the door, and there was a young man standing beside them. Kara narrowed her eyes at the man. "Do I know you?"

"Yeah, you do, Starbuck," the stranger said, smiling before stepping out of sight.

She turned to look over at Anders and then Lee. "What the frak is going on?"

"Anders," Lee said as he set himself down on the edge of Kara's bed. "Please."

Anders stared at him a moment before releasing Kara's hand. "If you need me, I'll be right down the hall planning out our next move with Helo."

Kara nodded even though she really had no idea what any of that meant. Not to mention she wasn't sure why she would need him if Lee was going to be right there.

The room filled with silence for a moment, and she knew Lee was deciding if she was actually strong enough to handle whatever it was he had to say. "I'm fine," she insisted. "Just tell me what happened before the curiosity kills me."

"There's a resistance movement on Picon like we've seen on the other planets. The only difference is this one was a little more professional than the others. That man you saw before? His name is Tanner Hughes. He's a Lieutenant in the Colonial Fleet."

Kara's face lit up with recollection. "I taught him! Hughes… his call sign was Trigger!"

"That's right. He was in your last class of students when you were still teaching flight school. There are twenty-nine survivors here, and all of them were part of the Academy, Kara. All I keep thinking is if we can pull this off, it will be a huge victory for the Fleet."

"Pull what off?"

"We're going to try to load as many ships onto ours as we can. I want to bring back both pilots and equipment to give us a little bit of reinforcement. When the President and my father thought of this mission, I bet they never thought we could find the answer to our shortage problems."

She grabbed his hand and beamed. "That's brilliant, Lee! Do you really think we can do it?"

"If you ever get your ass out of bed, sure we can."

Even though Lee had been joking, the room filled with silence as the focus shifted to the reason why she was in that bed in the first place. Kara could feel Lee fighting the urge to pull his hand away from her, and she started to wonder if maybe more had happened while she had been unconscious than anyone was willing to admit. "Lee?" she asked hesitantly. "Why'd you really ask to talk to me alone?"

"You were freaking out," he said half-heartedly.

Kara could spot his defensiveness a mile away, and they both knew it. He really was worried about telling her what was weighing on his mind. "I know that I was a part of it, but why else did you clear the whole room?"

"It's not a big deal," he insisted.

"Lee, I'm not going to break if you tell me something I don't want to hear. What's going on?"

"It's just normal 'we're never going to make it out of this one alive' stuff. There isn't anything else."

She shook her head. "Lee, you said you couldn't do this mission without me. If you needed me by your side so much, you wouldn't shut me out."

"I do need you," he whispered.

Kara could still feel him trying to pull away. "Then tell me what has you so worried."

She could see Lee hesitate before he pulled back from her and stepped to his feet. "Anders doesn't know you chose me, Kara. He thinks that he and I both got shot and pulled to safety right before the Picon resistance saved us. He doesn't know that you were trying to save me yourself." Lee's chin tightened in determination. "I'm starting to think that maybe it's better that way."

"You make it sound so horrible that I tried to save your life," she objected. She was doing her best not to let him see how much his words hurt. She had let her instincts take over when she made the decision to put pressure on Lee's wound instead of Anders. It was the first time she had checked _all_ rational thought at the door, and she couldn't see anything wrong with that in retrospect.

"You have to realize that Anders doesn't really have a lot in his life right now. He's lost his home from before the Cylon attacks and any semblance of normalcy he had with the resistance after the Cylon attacks. Unlike him, you and I are still heavily rooted in a world that's completely familiar. We're used to combat situations and knowing we might die at any second. This is all new to him."

"Anders isn't some little child. He's learning how to handle it."

"You're missing my point. Anders doesn't have anyone else to live for except you, Kara. You're the only person he loves who's still alive."

"That's why you wanted to talk to me alone? You want me to pretend like I'm not completely disgusted with him?" she cried.

"Why _are _you so disgusted with him?" Lee asked. "You never really explained what he did to you. All you've said was that he isn't the guy you thought he was. I'm starting to get the feeling that revelation had something to do with me."

Kara could feel her whole body tense. She had been avoiding telling Lee what happened between her and Anders for weeks now. She knew that he would feel guilty for what he had unintentionally caused, and she dreaded having to convince him that no matter what, it wasn't his fault. She just wanted things to stay the way they were right now. The memory of the harsh words he had said to her before her first jump to Caprica and after her return home had finally faded away. Having Lee so close to death had made it easy to give up the grudges they both had against one another.

"Kara, you can tell me."

Lee's insistent voice broke into her thoughts, and she couldn't help but smile at the way he looked so concerned for her. Lee had been constantly looking out from her ever since the Cylons' first attacked. In truth, though, it had always been that way for him when it came to her. Since the first moment they met, he had never really changed.

He deserved to know how much she appreciated that.

"Anders couldn't understand why I wouldn't leave you when I got back from my rescue mission," she finally whispered.

"That's all?"

"Yeah, that's all," she said, glaring at him. Obviously, Lee wasn't seeing the severity of what Anders had done. "He couldn't let me spend some time with my best friend who got attacked by the Cylons and ended up in a coma without getting jealous."

"To be fair, Kara, you were spending all of your time with me."

"You are not defending him!" she hissed. "Unbe-fraking-lievable!"

"Look at it from his perspective. The woman he loves risks everything to come back and save him just like she promised only to abandon him the first chance she gets."

"It didn't happen like that."

"Does he know that?"

Kara understood what Lee was trying to get at. She had come to the same realization after her original overreaction. She would have forgiven Anders weeks ago if her whole mind and body hadn't been focused on Lee. Now it was too late to go back.

Besides, no matter what Anders had said or how many times he tried to apologize, she knew that he still didn't understand. He would always be jealous of Lee, and she didn't want to have to build a relationship knowing that.

Things would have been easier if Kara had been the kind of person who could just compartmentalize the pain in order to keep her life normal. On many things, she probably could have ignored the pain of having someone she cared about hanging on to life by a thread in order to keep things in her life from changing. Not with Lee, though. She could never ignore the pain when it came to Lee.

"I couldn't just leave you," she whispered.

"Why?"

The question hung between them, and they both knew that she wasn't going to answer it. It was the one area that both of them were afraid to touch.

Lee's words broke the silence. "Give Anders another shot."

"You really want me to?" she asked, trying to gauge his reaction.

Something flashed across his eyes, but he quickly tucked it back from where it came. "I think you owe it to yourself to be sure you're not making a mistake by shutting him out."

"_You_ want to talk to _me _about having regrets?" she said, laughing. If Lee only knew how many of the regrets in her life revolved around him, he wouldn't have brought up this topic as a rationale to get her to take back Anders.

"I think you shouldn't shut out the possibility that you might be overreacting a little."

Kara's mind flashed back to that Picon street. She was on the verge of saying something to Lee when she thought death loomed over them. She had been about to admit how much she loved him, and here he was trying to get her to agree to love another man. Obviously she had been wrong to think he might feel the same way about her. "Fine. I'll give Anders another shot."

Lee seemed satisfied that she was telling the truth and walked towards the door. Kara knew she should leave it alone, but she found she had to say one last thing. Even after everything he said, she couldn't let Lee walk off thinking that this was something she was doing for anyone but him. "I'll give Anders a chance but only because _you_ asked me to."

He turned to look at her, and Kara suddenly recognized what had flashed across his face only seconds before. He was holding something back from her, something he desperately wanted to keep from picking up on, and it was hurting him to do so. She narrowed her eyes. "Lee?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" he said, stalking back over to the side of her bed and crossing his arms. His eyes bore into her.

Kara suddenly felt uncomfortable and turned to look down at her hands. "Nothing."

"It meant something or else you wouldn't have said it," he insisted.

She thought that over for a second until her mind finally rested on why she had decided to give Anders another change. The real reason actually took her by surprise. She hadn't even known she was still holding on to that mistake.

"Kara?" Lee said, taking a step closer.

She looked up at him for a second before turning her attention back to her hands. "I'm just trying to fix a mistake I made before. Like you said, it's not a good thing to have regrets. I let you believe once that I didn't value your opinion. I let you think that you weren't good enough in my eyes. I regret that."

"Are you talking about that tylium mission, Kara? That was ages ago!"

"I know," she said quietly. "I can't get it out of my head, though. It was such a cruel thing to do to you before a big mission like that. I just want you to know that I never meant it."

"I knew that the second I stepped off my ship and saw you waiting for me," Lee said, reaching out to hold her hand again.

The small movement finally made Kara look up at him, and it was hard to say which one of them looked more ashamed. " I don't see why you're pushing me towards Anders," she said bluntly. "I mean, if you're not still mad at me, why are you so determined to push me off onto someone else?"

Kara's eyes searched his, and Lee felt himself grow uncomfortable. He turned his head to stare vacantly at the wall. "That's not what I'm doing," he quietly objected. "I just don't want to see you have regrets and know I was the cause of them."

"I don't have regrets about any of that. The choices I made came from the heart, Lee. If I choose to let this thing with Anders go, then that's it. That's my choice."

"It's not that simple, Kara. I care about you. I want you to be happy."

His words made the anger swell up inside of her. Kara was so damn tired of fighting to understand Lee, and she was tired of struggling to make him understand her. It was too damn hard. "Obviously you _don't_ care. Otherwise you might see that I have good reasons for what I did!" Her mind flashed back to all the misunderstandings they had gone through since the day Zak had introduced them. Everything really did go back to that point. "But then how could you really understand my choice when you still see me as only the woman your brother once loved?"

"That's not true," he protested. "You're a hell of a lot more than that."

"Oh really? What have you ever done to prove that?" she asked. "You protect me out of duty to him. You keep watch over me because he can't. People in the Fleet consider us friends, but are we really?"

"Of course we are," Lee said, moving to take a seat beside her. He kept his eyes focused on the wall. "And I don't just protect you out of duty to my brother. I do it because I want to."

'But why do you do it, Lee? Why do you feel like it's your job to keep me safe?"

"The same could be asked of you," he pointed out. Lee waited for Kara to object, but she stayed silent. It was odd. Kara always had a joke or some sort of mocking taunt whenever their conversation got serious. He bit down on his bottom lip as the worry started to rise up in him again.

Her quiet voice broke into his thoughts. "You're worried about something again."

"It's nothing." Instead of insisting that it _was_ something, Kara simply moved her hand to brush against the side of his leg. That small show of comfort was too much for Lee. "You don't understand what it's like to see the changes that have happened to you, Kara. I tried to tell myself that they were just because of what happened to you on Caprica, but that's not the truth. I saw the look on your face that day on the Astral Queen. You smiled at me in a way I had never seen before. It hurt me when I realized it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the man you met on Caprica."

Kara's eyes went wide. Lee had it all wrong. At the time, she had no idea, but now she knew the happiness she felt in that moment had nothing to do with Anders. All thoughts of Anders had been cast from her mind the second she saw him. Lee was the reason she smiled and the reason that what happened to her on Caprica finally stopped hurting.

"You left the Fleet as quickly as you got here, Kara. You were hell bent on returning to Caprica, and when you first told me about Anders, I finally understood why. It made me angry that my father had to be the one to tell me the whole story about who Anders was. I still don't understand why you couldn't tell me about that yourself."

"So I thought I loved Anders? That doesn't mean anything. People make quick attachments when they're thrown into high-tension situations."

"It's not about that. It's about the way you've been since you brought Anders back." Lee couldn't bring himself to look up at her. He didn't think he could say what he had to if he had to see the reaction on her face. "I used to marvel at the fact that you stayed so brave and strong when the Cylons attacked. You never lost your determination to hold fast to life. Then the Cylons attacked me personally and I ended up in a coma. When I woke up, that bravery was no longer in your eyes. There was only sadness."

Lee waited for her reaction and was surprised when a few minutes had passed by and she still hadn't said a word. "I can't help but think I did that to you," he whispered before finally forcing himself to look up at her. Kara's eyes were brimming with tears as she looked at him, her gaze locked with his in a desperate search for something. What that something might be scared him to death.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were my big brother, Lee," she whispered. "You're so determined to protect me from being hurt that you're pretty blind to everything else." She shut her eyes and let out a soft sigh. "I'm tired of being the one you use to fill the hole that Zak left behind."

Lee's face lit up in confusion. Kara honestly couldn't think he was just using her as a substitute for Zak. Hadn't she been listening to what he was trying to say?

Then again, he had been holding a few things back from her, mostly for his own sake. He couldn't say everything he felt and still expect their friendship to be there in the morning. There were things in his past he was sure that she couldn't handle right now. He didn't want to be the one to give her even more weight to bear.

Seeing her almost on the brink of tears because of him was the final straw, though. He had to prove to her that she was more than just Zak's fiancée. She wasn't just one of a handful of people who could help him remember his brother. She meant more to him than any other person. It had been like that since practically the first moment he met her.

He took a deep breath, knowing he had no other choice. He couldn't let her go on thinking she was just a painful reminder of things he had lost. "There's something I didn't tell you before, Kara. I thought it might upset you, but you've made it clear that it's not my job to protect you."

"I can handle it," she said as she pushed the tears away with the back of her hand.

"I don't think you can," he said quietly, "but I guess you deserve to know anyway. You asked me a question about a month ago. I didn't want to answer it at the time because I was still ashamed of what I had done. You wanted to know who I fell in love with when I was dating Gianne, right?"

Kara's eyes went wide. She hadn't expected him to bring that back up, especially not now. It made no sense. "I don't see what that has to do with this."

"It has everything to do with this, and I think you know why. I think you've always known the answer to why I stopped seeing Gianne."

"You told me that you fell in love with someone else. I figured as much, but I could never knew who it was. I never met another girlfriend of yours after you broke up with Gianne so abruptly."

"You know who it was," he insisted.

"No, I don't, Lee."

Lee dropped his eyes to the floor. He should have known she would make this hard on him. Kara Thrace and the easy way did not go together. "Think about it. What changed in my life around that time?"

Kara tried to recall the past, but she couldn't come up with anything. "I don't know, Lee. You were stationed under Admiral Nagala the whole time on Picon. Your whole fraking life was one big routine. You were on _Atlantia _almost every day. The days you had free were spent visiting Zak and me down at the Academy. It was like clockwork. There wasn't any shift in the routine."

"Come on, Kara. You've already said it. What was different in my life those last few months I was with Gianne?"

"I don't know. I barely knew you at the time. Zak and I had just started dating-" Her eyes lit up with recognition.

"Exactly. The only change in my life was my baby brother falling in love with his flight instructor and insisting I become friends with her," he whispered. He waited until his words had sunk in before continuing, "Gianne was a nice girl. I couldn't let her waste her time and energy on some scum ball who could fall in love with his brother's girlfriend."

Lee sighed and got to his feet. "Give Anders a chance, Kara. Take it from someone who knows. Sometimes it's better to have taken a risk and let yourself be vulnerable than to spend years wondering what might have been."

Kara was left completely stunned while the door clicked behind Lee with a resounding snap. Her heart was even more confused than ever.


	10. Chapter 10

Her last bit of control went flying out the window as Helo sucker punched her in the gut. "Bastard," Kara wheezed as she tried to pull herself to her feet despite the shooting pains running through her whole body.

"Come on, Kara! If you can't keep up, just tell me!" Helo taunted.

Gritting her teeth, Kara lashed out in anger and wasn't surprised when Helo dodged every punch. She would have been disappointed in her punch's ineffectiveness if only it hadn't been a diversion that left Helo open for a well aimed kick to the back of the knees.

"Frak," Helo hissed as he hit the ground.

"The big man falls hard," Kara said, pushing him onto his stomach with her foot. "Just remember you were the one that started the fighting dirty."

"My mistake," Helo laughed. He pulled himself to his feet. "I should have known better."

"You should have," she agreed, pulling herself back into an opening stance. It only took Helo a couple seconds rest before he was launching another round of punches at her face.

The fast pace they had been fighting at combined with the snappy pattern of banter had been keeping Kara distracted for well over an hour. It was good, considering there was a pilot briefing that afternoon. Since returning to the Fleet two weeks earlier, what had once been one of many things she hated most about being a pilot had skyrocketed to _the_ thing she hated most in all facets of her life. She was still avoiding the real reason why those briefings had become so painful.

Helo's fist connected hard with her jaw, and Kara felt her knees bow out from the pain. "You're distracted," he goaded.

"No, I'm not," she hissed. Her hand went up to feel her lip and came away with blood on it. "Frak, Karl! You split my lip!"

"You split mine about ten minutes ago," he countered.

"I didn't realize you'd be this bitter about losing the position of prettiest pilot," she growled.

"Get off your ass, Thrace."

Kara was about to push herself off the ground and show Helo a whole new level of pain when something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention.

Lee was leaning against a punching bag, his face contorted in pain. Kara's eyes shifted to his hands. They were clutching the bag tightly, and despite the tape he had wrapped around them, she could see them shaking. He was in pain. Kara pulled herself to her feet and flung her gloves to the floor before jogging over to where he stood. She ignored Helo's insulted cry as she abandoned him without a word.

Kara touched Lee's shoulder lightly. "Is the gunshot wound still bothering you?"

"I'm fine," he hissed through his gritted teeth.

"Liar," she whispered. She used her hand to turn his body away from the punching bag. "I thought Doc Cottle cleared you."

"He said that the wound might heal a little stranger than normal because it took so long to have it treated," Lee explained.

Kara nodded before pushing Lee's tanks up. His hands came out to immediately push them back down. "Kara, we're in the middle of the fraking gym."

"I want to see it," she insisted, moving her hands up his stomach until the tanks no longer obscured her view of his body. There was a small puckering of skin where the wound was healing over, but there hadn't been enough time for the bruises to heal. Purple and black slashed across Lee's stomach, and Kara felt herself flinch at the notion of how much pain it must cause Lee to take one single breath, let alone what it felt like to try to move.

"Lee…" she whispered, her eyes looking up to meet his. "You never told me it was this bad."

"It's not that bad," he insisted.

"There's no way Cottle cleared you," she pointed out. She felt Lee shiver as she moved her fingers lightly across the bruises. Her mind wouldn't let her read anything into that, no matter how much her heart screamed.

"I'm not back on flight rotation," Lee admitted after a moment of silence. "I'm only doing the CIC and maintenance part of my job as pilot."

"You've been implying that you were flight cleared. There's no way you should be in the gym if the Doc hasn't cleared you for any of the physically demanding parts of being CAG," she hissed.

Lee stared at her. "I didn't want anyone to know. It's better if they keep imagining me as the impenetrable Commander of the Air Group. They need to have people they can look up to and idolize."

Kara cocked her eyebrow at him. "Idolize? I think you're starting to take your call sign a little too seriously, Apollo."

"I'm the one that everyone expects to lead them into battle, Kara. I can't appear weak."

The truth to his words hit her, and she lowered her eyes. She had never thought of it that way, but now that he mentioned it, the Air Group would take a big morale hit if their CAG was kept out of the air for too long. Kara's finger absentmindedly started tracing the bruises again.

This time Lee didn't shiver.

His hand came up to stop hers, but he didn't push her hand away. It suddenly occurred to Kara that at no point in their conversation had he made a move to step away from her. Lee had pointed out the inappropriateness of her actions in their current location, but after the warning, he had done nothing to stop her.

She couldn't help but wonder if she wasn't trying to read more into this than was actually there. Was she that desperate to try to stop the confusion that had set up shop in her brain since Picon?

"Lee," she started, raising her eyes to met his.

Kara watched Lee's gaze drift to rest on something over her shoulder. "Not now, Kara."

She rolled her eyes. "Helo can wait."

"It's not that," he said, letting go of her hand and stepping away.

Kara turned around to see Anders come in through the open hatch. By the time she turned back, Lee had pulled his tanks down and was bending over to pick a towel up off the floor. He straightened up and smiled at her. "I'm running the briefing in an hour, Starbuck. Don't be late."

The wink he gave her threw Kara off just enough that she didn't remember Anders was there until he wrapped his arms around her. "You're jumpy," he said with a laugh.

"I thought you were Helo," she said, covering as best as she could. "We were sparring before, and I don't think we ever decided who was the winner. I keep expecting him to jump out of the woodwork any second now."

Anders raised his eyebrows and pointed over to the weight machines where Helo was currently bench pressing. "Oh," Kara said, biting her lip. "Would you believe I didn't know he was still here?"

"No, but I'll let it slide because you're so cute," Anders chuckled. "Now, about why I'm here."

"I was wondering," Kara said, twisting out of his arms. When he pouted at the distance that was suddenly between them, she shook her head. "I smell."

"I don't care," he said, reaching for her.

Kara took a step back. "I do." She smiled to cover up the awkwardness of her insistence. "So why are you here, Sam?"

"I'm finally done with all those meetings I've had with the President. It seems like I've finally gone over ever possible detail of what I learned on each of the twelve planets to her satisfaction."

"I still can't believe before we left for Geminon the President asked you to catalogue the status of each colony without telling anyone." Kara shook her head. "And the fact that you agreed without even knowing her authority baffles me."

"She figured after Boomer, I would be the least suspected candidate. Everyone wouldn't be guarded around the guy who went through the same thing they did. Plus she wanted someone who had no previous connection with her. An objective source, if you will."

"So the endless string of meetings are finally over?"

He reached out to grasp her hand and pulled it up to his lips, kissing it lightly "And I thought you might want to celebrate. Dinner? A little quiet time over on Cloud Nine? What do you say, Thrace?"

"I can't," she said, pulling her hand back.

Anders rolled his eyes. "Of course you can't."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. It means nothing," he said, throwing his hands in the air and beginning to make his way to the door.

"It means something," Kara exclaimed as she jogged a few steps to catch up with him.

Anders skidded to a stop. "It's just you've been like this since we got back to Galactica. First, you come up to me after your little heart-to-heart with Lee Adama and mumble something about potential regrets and that you want to give me another chance. I'm pretty damn excited considering I had run out of ideas on how to get my second chance with you. Then we get back to Galactica, and you can't even find one fraking second to spend time with me."

"We spent time together last night," she protested.

"We were playing triad with half the fraking Air Group. I want to be alone with you, Kara."

She bowed her head to look at her feet. "I'm sorry if I've been busy."

"You know, I'm starting to wonder if you really meant it when you said you wanted to make this work."

"I'm trying, Sam," Kara insisted, looking up at him. "I know it makes you mad, but it's hard to forget how insensitive you were before. It's taking me awhile."

"I can't wait around forever, Kara. You need to either start making time in your life for me or else I'll stop asking."

"I wish things were that simple, that I could just say okay and clear a few hours time in my schedule. Unfortunately, we are at war here, Sam, and you're dating one of the Fleet's best pilots. If the Cylons show up, they're going to want me in the air. If there's a mission to plan, they're going to want me to give my opinion. If there are nuggets to train, they're going to want me to put my seal of approval on the little frakers. I can't shrug away from my responsibilities just because I'm one of the lucky few to still have a personal life."

"I'm not asking you to stop doing what you love. I just wish you would consider spending your free time with me instead of Helo or the Commander." They both knew there was another person on the list of people Kara chose to spend her time with, but neither of them were going to say it out loud. That would involve actually looking the problem in the face, and they weren't ready for that quite yet.

"All right," she said, nodding. "I promise I'll try."

"Good," Anders said, giving her a smile. "So dinner?"

Kara bit her lip before shrugging. "I can't. There's a pilot briefing that I have to go to. It's not voluntary."

"Fine." Anders shook his head as he started making his way towards the hatch again. "But if I find out this is less about doing your duty as a pilot and more about the man who happens to run those pesky pilot briefings, I'm not going to be happy."

Kara's mouth dropped in outrage as he dropped out of sight. Sure, Anders was only acting like the cocky pyramid captain she had taken him to be those first few days on Caprica, but she had really thought he would have more respect for her than that. If she said she wanted to give this relationship a second chance, then she meant it. The fact that her decision on that matter had a lot to do with Lee wasn't something she was willing to dwell on right now.

"Helo!" she screamed as she picked her sparring gloves off the floor. "I'm feeling ready for round two, and I apologize for kicking your ass ahead of time."


	11. Chapter 11

Kara managed to step into the briefing a few seconds before it was supposed to start. Treating the cuts and bruises on her knuckles had taken longer than she would have liked, but that's what happened when she let herself lose control.

Lee had given her a little smile and shook his head as she settled into one of the chairs in the back row. She would even go as far as to say he looked slightly surprised she had shown up at all. True, she was starting to be notorious for coming up with last-minute reasons why she couldn't make briefings, but excuses had been running dry the past couple of days.

Kara closed her eyes, listening to the lilt of Lee's voice as he rattled off the pilot assignments for the next week, and gave in to the reason why she hated these briefings so much. She let go of her self-control and let the rational voice in her head whisper irrational things to her.

"_He appreciates you… understands you better than any other person you've ever known."_

Lee had proven that to be true time and time again. He knew the difference between her pure fits of anger and the times she used anger to hide what she was struggling with inside. He knew that most of the time it was the second option that made her lash out.

Lee knew the value of silence when it came to being with her. Most times they were together, they barely even spoke. They simply felt the comfort of each other's presence and that was enough to make fears fade away.

Kara heard Lee chuckle at something Racetrack said, and the sound made her blood stir. He had always had a laugh that made her think things she shouldn't.

"_You knew if you ever got him to lose control and stake a claim, he would take you to higher places than you'd ever been. You've seen him in the showers. A man with a body like that has to have some sort of god given talent when it came to that special place between the sheets."_

Kara knew better then to let her thoughts go down that road. That road would only lead to a cold shower and lonely night with only her own fingers to give her release. She was trying so hard not to think about what fraking Lee would entail that her next thought caught her completely off guard.

"_Nobody would ever love you better than that man."_

The pain and guilt grew inside of her. She couldn't lie to herself. Loving Lee and having him love her back would probably be the most satisfying thing that could ever happen to her.

But she would never get to experience that.

It wasn't in the cards the gods had dealt her.

"_He loved you once. You can make him love you again whether the gods approve or not."_

Anders loved her, and the gods approved of that. Kara knew that she shouldn't be thinking about Lee when she had a man who cared about her so much. She should be focusing on using this time to come up with some way to make Anders believe she wanted to fix whatever had broken between them. He had been right when he said she wasn't trying.

"Starbuck? Are you even listening?"

Lee's teasing use of her call sign snapped her to attention. "I'm sorry, sir," she said, clearing her throat. "The gentle tone of your voice must have lulled me right to sleep. I had a hell of a workout earlier."

"So I hear," Lee said, raising his brow at her in an almost challenge.

Obviously he had heard about her argument with Anders and her subsequent knock-down, drag-out flight with Helo.

"I was simply saying that I'm pulling you down to half the shifts you normally have this week. I need to have those Picon recruits in the air by next rotation. After that, we should have weeded out any other appropriate recruits from the rest of the holocaust survivors. Hughes will be stepping up to help with the training as soon as you clear him. Something tells me the pressure's becoming too much for you if a light workout is making you that tired."

"Understood," Kara said. She gave him a small salute and waited until the other pilots had turned back to look at the front of the room before flicking him off.

Lee's eyes flashed as he tried to hold the laughter in. She hadn't done something as purposefully stupid as telling her superior officer where he could shove it since she sucker punched the XO before the attacks. It was nice to see her go back to the old Kara he knew.

The meeting broke up a few minutes later, but Kara couldn't tear herself away from Lee. She watched as he spoke with whomever had questions about their rotation assignments. It had always fascinated Kara to watch Lee do his job while the others were around. It was a facet of him she hadn't been able to witness before the attacks forced him to take on the CAG position. She never would have guessed it would be this intoxicating.

By the time she realized she was staring, the last pilots had all cleared off. Lee gave her a small smile as he gathers up the last of his papers and left the room, stopping only a moment to touch the picture hanging by the door.

This time it wasn't the voice inside her head that whispered to her. It was her heart.

If Lee would only give her one clue as to whether he still loved her like he did when she was Zak's…

Sighing, Kara shut her eyes and let herself escape into a daydream. She would start adhering to the promise she made to Anders in the morning. For now, she wanted one last night of avoidance.

She wanted one last night of imagining what it would be like if things in her life finally made sense.


	12. Chapter 12

Lee looked down at his plate for the fifteenth time that minute and groaned to see it still halfway full. This glop the mess hall was calling lunch was getting worse. In the beginning, he swore he could force it down within ten minutes. Now he had already been sitting at the table for half an hour and he was nowhere near done.

"Okay, you're not deluded at all," he hissed to himself as he started to eat again.

As much as he blamed it on the horrid Battlestar food, he knew his lack of appetite had nothing to do with that. Like most of his other problems, this one was caused by a certain blond spitfire who didn't seem to have the time of day for him anymore.

He wasn't sure if it was his fault she was avoiding him or not. All he knew was he missed Kara like crazy. She had become a staple in his life, and he hadn't even realized it.

It wasn't even the big things he missed about not having her around. It was all those fraking small things that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't find in anyone else.

Kara always managed to throw a taunt at him in the middle of briefings just at the moment that he started feeling like he really wasn't the one who should be the leading the Air Group. She always popped up on his four a.m. runs when the silence was starting to kill him. She knew what to say to make him understand what made his father tick. Some days, her smirk was the only thing that could make him smile.

And he wasn't even going to start thinking about the way she chose to prance around in one of those little towels just at the moment when he thought that life had sucked away any sort of sexual appetite he might have had.

Add it all up, and his life didn't really look all that good anymore.

"Frak, Lee!" he muttered. "What did you do to piss her off?"

He was running through the last time he spoke with her, that day in the gym when he couldn't bring himself to push her hands away, when a tray slammed onto the table next to him.

"You look like the world just ended again, Lee," Kara said, sliding onto the bench next to him.

"Maybe it has," he snapped back.

"How wonderfully pessimistic of you."

Lee tried to keep scowling, but the way she was beaming at him made it impossible. He pushed a few more bits off his tray and into his mouth. His appetite was already starting to return.

"So how are the Picon recruits shaping up?" Kara asked, picking up her sandwich and taking a massive bite.

"Not bad. I think they might actually be better than some of the pilots originally stationed on this hunk of junk."

"No way they're better than Galactica's finest!" Kara objected, a piece of wayward lettuce flying out of her mouth. She smiled widely at Lee, mouth still shoved full of chewed sandwich, when she caught his disgusted look.

He shook his head. "You are so fraking gross."

"You love it," she snickered.

Lee set down his fork but kept his eyes glued to the table in front of him. "I miss it."

Kara's hands froze halfway up to take another bite, and the tiny voice in her head began to scold her. Her eyes had immediately found Lee when she stepped into the mess. Everyone around him was talking and joking like normal, and he was just sitting by a table, stiff as a lump and looking twice as sad. She had known it would be a mistake to sit with him, but she just couldn't stop herself.

Anders had been commissioned by the President to help some of the Cloud Nine workers set up a pyramid court which meant he was off-ship most days. It had given Kara a little more freedom in what she chose to do, but she still knew better than to do this.

She had stuck to the promise she made Anders ten days earlier. When she wasn't on shift or busy doing Fleet work, she tried to spend time with him. In fact, she was doing so well that Helo had actually accused them of being an old married couple the other night. She had found it amusing at the time, but the comment had slowly started to bug her. When had she decided to let herself be so tied down?

Shrugging that thought to the side, Kara focused on how happy Anders was. He knew she was trying. The other night, Dee invited her to play triad with Spitshooter and Gaeta, two of the easiest marks on the ship. She had almost agreed when Lee passed by them with a quick comment that she should get herself dealt into their game before it was all filled up. Knowing she would have to sit across a table from Lee and still keep him at arm's length was too much for her. She had told Dee no and settled in for yet another night of playing solitaire while Anders finished up wherever the President currently had him working.

If Kara didn't know better, she would swear the President was trying to kill her relationship with Anders. Roslin had him working almost as relentlessly as Kara and Lee. Anders seemed to pick up a million or so odd jobs around the Fleet that no one had ever had the time to complete. As much as Kara was happy he was finding his place amongst them, she was kind of ticked off. It was hard to repair a relationship when the two people involved were never on the same ship.

"I don't understand you."

Lee's voice pulled her away from her unsettling thoughts. "What?"

"First you sit down and practically maul that damn sandwich. Now you've barely even taken a bit in the last five minutes." Lee shook his head. "And before you shove my face in it, I don't want to know where you found stuff to make a fresh sandwich."

"Anders had a few favors he called in. He managed to get some of the first crops when they were being harvested on the new farming ship yesterday." She held her sandwich out to him. "You want some?"

"I don't think Anders would appreciating you sharing with me."

"He doesn't have to know," Kara said, giving him a sly wink. She mentally slapped herself for saying the words she had been continuously repeating to herself since deciding to keep Lee company.

Lee stared at the food in her hand for a moment before leaning over and taking a bite. He let out a low moan of satisfaction.

Kara smiled to herself. It was nice to go back to her familiar role of the person who could put that mega-watt smile on Lee's face. "So how's the old stomach feeling?"

"It's still sore, but the bruises have gone down. I think it has something to do with a hothead pilot's advice for me to lay off the punching bags for a while." He playfully bumped her shoulder with his and smirked.

Kara smiled back at him. "I was only speaking from personal experience."

"Your knuckles healed up nicely," Lee pointed out.

Kara slowly set down the sandwich and pulled her hands under the table. "You noticed that?"

"My star pilot has her instruments of flight bandaged for over a week? Yeah, I noticed."

"Star pilot?" she said, nudging his thigh with hers. She quickly regretted the action as neither one of them moved away. The heat was already flaring up her body from having close contact with him. She was in definite trouble.

"Only because I'm not in the air," Lee whispered. When she turned to look at him, he gave her a wink.

"You know how much you're missed right?" She knew that was the wrong choice of words immediately. It sounded like she was telling him she missed him. True as that might be, it wasn't going to help her stay away from him. "The pilots, I mean. We all miss having our CAG around."

Kara felt Lee's hand shift to nudge against where hers rested on her thigh. He hooked his pinky around hers and let out a small sigh. "I know what you meant, Kara."

She scolded herself silently. Of course Lee would know she missed him. She had refused to leave his side only weeks ago when he had been in a coma. Gods. Why did that feel like it all happened years ago?

"Doc Cottle just cleared me for Raptor flight," Lee stated.

"Really? That's fantastic!" Kara said, giving him her brightest smile.

"My dad has me running some of the more sensitive restocking missions."

"You mean the ones that involve booze and stogies?"

"Those would be the ones. I'm going to be traveling around the Fleet all of tomorrow. I know you have an off shift and I would appreciate having a co-pilot with me just in case." Lee chided himself for playing up the pity angle. "I just thought you might enjoy a break."

He glanced at Kara out of the corner of his eyes and was surprised to see her looking rather conflicted. What did she have to be torn about?

Kara pulled her hand away from him to pinch the bridge of her nose. "I can't, Lee. I'm sorry."

"It's no big deal. I know it was short notice and all. You probably already have plans for your rare time off." Lee stood up and grabbed his tray. "I better get a move on it. I've been eating my lunch for over an hour. My father's probably ready to send the Marines to get me."

Kara nodded. "I'll see you around, Lee."

Lee stared at her for a moment before letting out a breath and shaking his head. "We both know that's not true."

She dropped her eyes down to her half-eaten sandwich as the shame began to take over. Maybe she wasn't being as subtle as she hoped with the avoidance. Then again, she had never really been able to fool Lee when it came to her inner workings. Somehow, he managed to be one of the few people who could get an accurate read on her all the time.

Being reminded of that made her vision start to blur as the tears formed. She hadn't realized it would feel this painful to say no to Lee and have him understand without hesitation. Things had been so much easier when she was just avoiding him at all costs. She had been stupid to let herself have this little moment with him. She should have known with a guy like Lee, he would find a way to make her miss him even more without trying.

A day alone with Lee sounded like heaven right about now, and it wasn't just because she was so tired of the daily sacrifices that were being asked of her. What made his proposition so inviting was the knowledge that if she went away with him, she could let everything go. He wouldn't expect her to be anything but herself, Kara Thrace. She wouldn't have to be the mighty Starbuck, goddess of the skies, or Lieutenant Thrace, the go-to girl of the Fleet. She wouldn't have to be the best pilot to almost fail out of Academy or the pyramid player who had such promise before she frakked up her knee.

None of that mattered to Lee. He had learned long ago to ignore her past and just focus on what she was today. With Lee, she didn't have to keep up protocol and regulations. She could just be.

Scolding herself for being so self-pitying, Kara rubbed the tears away with one hand and picked up the abandoned sandwich with the other. She couldn't let this go to waste no matter how sick to her stomach she felt. It was Anders' gift to her.


	13. Chapter 13

Kara wheeled herself out from underneath the Viper and praised the gods for only making the problem a bad circuit and not the fuel line. She had set the goal of staying as clean as possible through this unplanned maintenance shift, and so far she had managed to do it. All that was left was to check that they had a circuit to replace the bad one and let Cally know she had to finish the job. Kara's shift was finally over.

Wiping the last bits of dirt off her hand, Kara pushed herself to her feet. If she rushed to put this part away, she had about thirty minutes before Anders would be finding her so they could go on their date. How Anders had gotten a pass for Cloud Nine she would never know. Those things were rarer than pre-attack booze right now.

Kara tossed the bad circuit in her hand as she stumbled to the nearest equipment closet. She knew this one was off limits because it had just been stocked, but she didn't care. So what if the Fleet wanted to use the older parts first? She had a date to get ready for.

In the back of her head, that damned annoying voice started reminding her that it wasn't the date she was looking forward to so much as the time away from Galactica and a certain Adama. Kara found it was ironic that her thoughts were on Lee as she pulled the hatchway door open and let the harsh hanger bay light into the darkened locker. There were two people locked in what was about to be a rather embarrassing position. She was about to apologize about butting in when the back of the man's head suddenly seemed familiar. It was like every time she thought of Lee, he would show up to put her in another situation that would tear her in two.

She froze in silent agony as she watched Racetrack's hands working to frantically unzip Lee's pants. Her whispers for him to hurry before they were caught were only slightly softer than his moans. Kara shut her eyes and pulled the hatch shut, hoping they wouldn't notice. She let her feet guide her to the other equipment locker while her mind tried desperately to push the images away.

"Something wrong?" Cally asked as she popped out of the equipment locker in front of Kara.

"Nothing," Kara lied. She held the circuit out for the specialist to take. "This part was bad in Viper 809. Check to make sure we have a replacement and then put it in for me, would you? I have to go."

"No problem," Cally said, even though she was already staring at empty space. Something was obviously bothering Starbuck, but with that particular pilot, it could be anything from the CAG getting himself laid up in sickbay again to a bad hand of triad the night before. She didn't have time to figure it out.

Kara was so out of it she didn't realize she was acting odd as she pushed through the throng of people in the corridors. All she knew was she had to get herself into the shower before the tears pushed themselves out. The image of Lee and Racetrack stuck in her head as she went into the officer's bunkroom. Her gaze naturally fell on Lee's empty bunk, and she found herself imagining all those nights he had insisted upon keeping his curtain shut. Was the reason because Racetrack was in his bunk with him?

Her locker banged against the wall as she flung it open. The anger and frustration was starting to get the best of her. She had no right to be this mad, she told herself as she grabbed a towel off the top shelf and slammed the door shut. Lee was not hers. He had never been hers. She shouldn't feel jealous or pissed off, and she definitely shouldn't be feeling like the Cylons had just destroyed her world again.

Kara pushed the clothes off her body and wrapped the towel around herself, not even caring that she was leaving a mess in the bunkroom. If she was going to be ready for Anders in time, she would have to forget what she had just bore witness to.

Her determination to forget lasted just long enough for her to get under the semi-warm spray of the head's showers. At that point, a loud sob escaped her body and she braced herself up against the wall. She let the emotions tear through her body for a minute before pushing them back down. There had been a lot of pain in her life, and she had learned at an early age how to deal with it. Lately, she was glad to have that skill.

Lee had finally found someone to be with on Galactica. Kara decided that she should be happy for him. He had been so lonely, being stuck on a ship he didn't know with people who resented him for taking the job of their much beloved CAG when Ripper was shot down by the Cylons. It was good that Lee had someone.

Kara punched the water off. She never could get herself to believe her own lies.

When she wrapped the towel back around her body and stepped out into the corridor, she let herself lie one more time and say that it was the cold atmosphere of the Battlestar that was chilling her to the bone. Most of the male pilots turned to stare at her as she stepped into the bunkroom. This was an action she usually ignored. Things were starting to get tense with the fraternization policy that was still in place even though it was broken in every equipment locker on the ship.

"Don't think about equipment lockers," she hissed at herself. The stares continued to heat up every inch of her body that was exposed. "Stop fraking staring at me!" she screamed.

She didn't know if it was something in her tone or the way she was carrying herself because normally she couldn't clear the bunkroom with just five words. The bunkroom did clear, though, and she found herself alone with her thoughts again.

When she opened her locker, her eyes immediately locked onto the picture of the two Adama brothers. She fought the urge to tear it down. She had taken it down once in her life, and it had put Lee in a coma. Granted, she had only taken it with her to Caprica as a reminder that she had something to come home to this time. She had been afraid that seeing Anders might make her forget how important she was to Lee and the Commander and to the whole Fleet. She couldn't let her heart keep her away.

Sighing, she pulled the dress out of the locker where she had hid it towards the back. At the time, she had been half afraid Lee would tease her for the extremely feminine cut and half scared to death he would look at her again like he did that night on Cloud Nine. Now she knew he would have done neither. He didn't need to admire her when he already had a woman in his bed.

Kara let the silk slid against her bare skin and felt the material come to a rest just above her knees. She hoped Anders appreciated the effort she was making tonight because all she really wanted to do was curl up in her bunk.

She rummaged through Kat's locker until she found the hair gel the pilot had been hoarding. The Commander hadn't given the pilot time to gather her things after her trial for the stims-rage murder a few weeks earlier. Kat had been shown mercy by the Old Man when he only revoked her rank and status. It was a drastic change for her, but life in the Fleet as a civilian was better than being stuck in a brig cell for the rest of her life. Kara tried not to be jealous of Kat's unintentional reprieve from the responsibility of having to protect everyone in the Fleet. Instead, she tried to focus on hurrying herself along.

Kara wished she had more time to dry her hair so it could be styled properly, but then she had willingly made that sacrifice when she let herself get wrapped up in her maintenance shift. It was too late to change anything now.

Her eyes went up to look at the clock. Anders was supposed to be there ten minutes ago. As she pushed her grandmother's earrings on, she wondered what could have kept him so long. She knew he had meetings on Galactica with some of the space freighter captains in order to find the materials needed to make that pyramid court, but she was pretty sure she would have heard if they ran over.

She slid her feet into the black heels she had traded her last bottle of ambrosia for and started doing her best with the small amount of makeup she had.

"I'm know I'm late," Anders said, bursting into the bunkroom. "Those damn meetings had me working about twenty under-the-table trades just to get enough sheet metal to make the goals."

"Not a problem," Kara said, smiling at him in the mirror. "I was just finishing up anyway."

"You look nice," he whispered in her ear as he drew her in close. "Good enough to eat."

She rolled her eyes and pushed him away. "And you look like crap. Why are you still in the tanks and pants I stole you?"

"There wasn't time to change out of it," Anders explained, "but I stashed some more appropriate clothes in the Raptor that's taking us to Cloud Nine. I had a feeling the meetings would get out of hand."

"You're so smart," Kara joked. She slammed her locker door shut. "All right. Let's go."

Anders took her by the hand, and they made their way to the hangar bay. Kara was surprised to realize she didn't even mind the little gesture of possession. Usually she hated letting her personal life spill into the place where she did her job, but if Lee could handle it, then she supposed she could to. At least she wasn't fraking people in public places yet.

Kara swore under her breath. She needed to try to forget what went on… scratch that… what is probably still going on in that supply closet. If she was a betting kind of woman, and she was, Lee was definitely the type of guy to have the stamina of a god. She winced and bit her lip in frustration. She didn't need that type of thought, either. From now on, she wasn't going to think of Lee. She was just going to focus on the lovely time Anders had probably spent forever planning.

That determination lasted about ten seconds until they passed Racetrack in the hall. The pilot had the balls to give Kara a friendly smile. The bitch obviously had been too busy to notice the interruption earlier. Kara couldn't believe that this was the same woman who had stood by her side when Helo had gotten hurt. She had thought they had finally come to an understanding, but obviously she was wrong. Friends don't frak other friends' best friends without clueing them in first. She couldn't dwell on that now, though. There were other things to concentrate on.


	14. Chapter 14

Two hours later, Kara's list of things to not think about was up to Lee, Racetrack, Racetrack and Lee, equipment lockers, mindless fraking, Lee's stamina, Lee's body, breaking military regulations, Lee's obvious slight by not telling her he was seeing someone, and Lee's inevitable admission of love for his new girl toy.

"Something on your mind tonight?" Anders' voice pulled her from the thoughts she was not supposed to be thinking. "You seem a little distracted."

Kara gave him a funny look. "Why would you say that?"

"Because I've been leading you through this place for ten minutes and you've yet to ask me where I'm taking you."

"Fine," she said as he slowed to a stop in front of a closed door. "Where have you taken me?"

"Somewhere private," he said and opened the door for her.

Kara stepped over the threshold. It suddenly occurred to her that she must have been doing a great job of convincing Anders she was committed to this relationship. A man doesn't bring a woman to a hotel room unless he's expecting a certain something from her. "We have to be back in that shuttle in thirty minutes, Sam" she pointed out.

Anders' hands slid the zipper in the back of her dress down and nudged Kara further into the room. "We'll have to hurry then."

She looked at him with raised eyebrows. Did he actually think this was the kind of thing she found romantic? A hurried frak in a cold hotel room was nowhere close to the kind of thing that made her heart skip a beat.

"Come on, Kara," Anders teased. "If I remember correctly, you prefer it fast and hard."

He pushed her dress to the floor before she could protest, and Kara silently cursed herself for choosing to forgo underwear since she was in a hurry. "You're going to be the death of me, Thrace."

"All the men say that," she said, stepping forward to unbutton his shirt.

Kara felt bad. Anders had probably been waiting months for this moment. He had put a lot of effort into this night. The least she could do was give him the quick, hard frak he seemed so desperate for. His hand reached out to help her unbutton his pants, and Kara found her mind giving in to a daydream mess, blurring the events that she witnessed earlier with what she was doing right now.

She swore under her breath as Anders kicked his pants off and pushed her against the wall. She wasn't going to let this be a repeat of what went on between her and Baltar the last time she found herself in a romantic position on Cloud Nine. Anders' arms lifted her off the ground, and she wrapped her legs around him. He leaned in to kiss her. "I love you so much, Kara."

As he pushed himself inside of her to the hilt, she tried to make herself remember what about this man had been important enough to make her return to Caprica for him. Memories of that time felt so hollow these days, but it was all she had to draw on. She had believed she was in love with this man once. That had to mean something. She wasn't the type of girl to give herself over to love that easily.

Kara broke away from her thoughts and tried to concentrate as Anders picked up the pace. She felt the tension of having gone months without release build up inside of her quickly and suddenly understood that fast and hard was exactly how she wanted it. She wasn't sure she could take the pain of having Anders dwell on her every curve and crevice, not with this pain building up inside of her heart. She let herself go seconds after he lost control.

Kara let him hold her up against the wall for a few moments as they both fought to catch their breath. Then she tapped his arm lightly, and Anders lowered her to the ground before bending to pick up their clothes. He held her dress out to her without a word. Kara couldn't help but think it felt awkward.

When they were both clothed, Anders looked down at his watch before finally breaking their silence. "Five minutes to spare."

Kara knew he meant it to be funny, but she couldn't make herself laugh. She smoothed her dress down and did her best to push her hair out of her face. It had gotten a little messed up under the circumstances. She was about to say something to break the slight bit of tension that was still lingering between them when there was a knock on the door. "Expecting a guest?" she said with a snort.

"No," Anders said as he sat down on the bed to put on the shoes he had kicked off in haste half an hour earlier.

"Probably just fraking room service," Kara decided. She walked over to the door and pulled it open. Her face turned to confusion as she found herself staring at the Picon recruit who was currently helping her teach the nuggets. "Hughes? What are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," he insisted. He pushed past her into the room, walking towards Anders. "It was just time for me to complete my mission."

Kara watched in horror as Hughes pulled a gun out of his waistband and cold cocked Anders. He fell back onto the bed unconscious. "What the frak are you-" Hughes turned to look at her, and the ice cold expression on his face made her stop in her tracks.

"God is ready to put the next cycle of his plan into motion." Hughes raised the gun and fired.

The smile spreading across Hughes face was the last thing Kara remembered before blacking out.


	15. Chapter 15

The words coming over the general comms channel made Lee's heart stop.

"Galactica, this is Corporal Armstrong, currently stationed on Cloud Nine. I repeat, I have an officer down on board. The situation is under control, but I have an officer of the Air Group down. I need a medical transport here as soon as possible."

Lee swore. He couldn't afford to lose another pilot.

"Corporal Armstrong, would you please identify the pilot so we can have the proper medical supplies ready for them?"

Lee smiled. If Dee was in charge of making sure the pilot got the attention they needed, he didn't have to worry that much.

And then his whole world came crashing down.

"Lieutenant Kara Thrace."

Lee didn't hesitate. He flipped his comm button on, butting into the transmission. "Galactica, Apollo. I'm currently two minutes away from Cloud Nine. I'm taking my Raptor in." It was a command, not a question.

"Roger that, Apollo," Dee said. There was no way she was going to argue with him.

"Dee, you better have Doc Cottle waiting in that hangar bay."

"Don't worry, Lee. You know I will."

Lee clicked the comm off and focused on piloting the raptor closer to the travel hub. Though his landing on board was nowhere near perfect, Lee made it onto Cloud Nine in under a minute. He was greeted by a Marine. "Where is she?" he hissed.

"Third floor of the hotel, sir. We were afraid to move her."

Lee didn't even take time to thank the Marine. He took over in a sprint, forgoing the elevator for the stairs. Every second counted when it came to Kara's life. Lee spotted another Marine standing outside one of the open doors on the third floor, but again he couldn't get himself to pause. He had to see Kara.

As soon as he steeped into the room, the sight of her stopped him in his tracks.

Kara was laying on the bed, hand clutched to her stomach tightly. She looked like she was about to pass out. Lee took in her appearance as he stumbled over to the bed. He had thought her dress from Colonial Day had been too much. Even though she was so noticeably hurting, he couldn't help but think she was the most stunning sight he had ever seen. She looked up at him, and the sheer relief in her eyes made him struggle to control his emotions. All the problems they had been fighting with for the past few weeks went out the door as he sat down on the bed next to her.

He reached out and took her free hand in his. "You look beautiful, Kara," he whispered as he slipped her arm around his neck. He pulled her up off the bed as if she weighed nothing.

She tightened her grip around him as a sob broke from her lips. Lee carried her down the hall in shock as she collapsed into a fit of hysterical crying. He whispered to her that it was okay and that she was safe now, but it didn't seem to help.

When they reached the Raptor, Kara managed to get herself under control enough to hiss, "You have no right to say things like that to me, Lee."

"Huh?" His face lit up with confusion.

"You have no right to call me beautiful, not after what you did."

Her comment hit him out of nowhere. He had just been voicing the thought booming through his head amidst the chaos. She shouldn't get that upset over it. Hell, he only meant it to distract her for a few moments.

Lee tried to remember if his gunshot wound had made him as out of it as she seemed to be, but he found all he could remember about that time was the way Kara had eased away his pain. He felt her grip on him loosen as he walked up the ramp of the Raptor. That was another thing he remembered about being shot, a desperate need to just let it all slip away. "You need to stay with me here, Kara. It's still going to be a few minutes until I can get us back to Galactica."

He gently placed her in the empty co-pilot chair and took a moment to glance at her wound. He lightly pulled the tatters of her dress to the side and was happy to see that the bleeding had stopped. He had a chance to get her back in time.

"Why?"

Her voice came out so tiny and quiet that Lee wondered if he had imagined the question.

"Why did you do it?" she repeated when he didn't answer.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Kara."

"I saw you with Racetrack. I want to know why you threw away military regulations for her. What was so special about her that you would risk everything just to get a quick frak in an equipment closet?"

"What?" Lee exclaimed, pushing himself to his feet. "You think I'm fraking Racetrack?"

"Lee, I saw you with her a few hours ago. You were too busy _hurrying up_ to notice me, but I saw you."

"Kara, I've been on the restocking runs my father set up all day. The last time I was on Galactica was when I had lunch with you. Frak, I even invited you to come along."

Her face screwed up in confusion. "I don't understand. I saw you."

"That's impossible," he said, turning to raise the ramp and begin pre-flight. He was taking Kara's sudden urge to argue with him as a good sign even if she was talking nonsense.

"Well, I saw the back of your head," she insisted.

"Granted my hair's grown out a little since the attacks, but there are plenty of men in the Fleet who have the same military cut and wear the same clothes as me."

"It wasn't you?"

"Kara, if I chose to break the fraternization policy, it would definitely not be with Racetrack," he pointed out.

There must have been something in his voice that convinced her he was telling the truth because she let out a small sigh before shutting her eyes. He watched as the spark of feistiness drained right out of her "You have to stay with me, Kara," Lee growled as he pulled the Raptor out into the open space.

Kara's eyes snapped open. "Where's Anders?"

"What?"

"He was with me. We were on a date and then Hughes knocked on our room door. Then he shot me." She turned to look at Lee. "Where's Anders?"

"I don't know."

"Lee, I'm responsible for him. We're in a relationship."

Lee let out a small laugh. "Trust me. I know that."

"That's right. You were the one that forced me to give him another chance, you frakked up idiot." Her words might have been a little harsh, but somehow they put Lee at ease.

Kara reached out to grasp Lee's hand after a moment. "Anders is my responsibility, Lee. We can't leave without him."

"Newsflash. I don't give two fraks about Anders right now. I need to get you to Doc Cottle."

"Please, Lee. I have to keep him safe. You made me promise to give him a chance."

Lee held her eyes for a moment before reaching over to turn on the comm. "Galactica, Apollo. ETA three minutes. I need you to give me some information. Lieutenant Thrace says Samuel Anders was with her on Cloud Nine. Do we know if anyone's located him?"

"Corporal Armstrong said that Anders was found in Cloud Nine's refrigerated storage a few minutes after you left. Lieutenant Thrace told the Corporal what happened and made him promise to find Anders." He heard Dee pause as her attention was obviously diverted to another communication. She always seemed to be juggling a million things in the CIC. Lee heard her chuckle before she came back to him. "Are you still there, Apollo?"

"Two minutes away, but I'm here, Dee."

"Corporal Armstrong wants me to correct that statement. He doesn't want to take credit for something he didn't do. Lieutenant Thrace told him that _Anders_ had been taken by the Cylon, but she kept asking him to find someone named _Lee_. The Corporal assumed that they were the same person until he actually found Anders."

Lee looked at Kara out of the corner of his eyes and saw her clenching her eyes tightly. If he wasn't still concerned about the fact she was sitting next to him with a bullet lodged in her abdomen, he would have laughed. She looked mortified. "You tell the Corporal that he managed to do both, Dee, and let him know he should take credit where credit is due."

Lee eased the ship into the open port, frustrated at the innate slowness of a Raptor. It was excruciating to a Viper pilot. Seconds away from entering the tube, he heard Kara whisper his name in a faint voice before squeezing his hand . He managed to turn in time to see her eyes roll back as her grip on his hand released.

"I'm counting on you, Dee," Lee muttered, even though the comm channel was closed. He was doing his best to concentrate on landing the ship in one piece rather than letting his worry for Kara distract him. It was hard. He knew if Cottle was not ready and waiting in the hangar bay, Kara's streak of luck might finally run out.

As soon as the Raptor touched the hangar floor, Lee had the ramp lowered and Kara in his arms. He let out a sigh of relief as he saw the gurney and the cloud of smoke signifying Doc Cottle. He would have to recommend Dee for a vacation or something.

"She just passed out about a minute ago," Lee said, setting her down gently. "We were arguing only seconds earlier. I don't know what changed."

"Let go," Cottle grumbled, motioning to where Lee still held tight to Kara's hand. Lee paused for a second but did what the doctor said. "Listen. You can't come with me, kid. I think Colonel Tigh wants you to go to the Commander's office where you can brief your father about why the frak you took that Marine's call for help without consulting Galactica. The XO said it's important."

"He'll get over it," Lee said as he continued to jog beside the gurney as it was wheeled through the corridors.

"Captain, need I remind you that I'm one of your superior officers? This is a command. You will not follow behind me like a little puppy dog. I cannot fix Lieutenant Thrace with you breathing down my fraking neck."

Lee's eyes went wide but he pulled himself to a stop. He heard the Doc mumble a thank you as he watched his best friend disappear around the corner. It took all of his strength to keep his mind clear and force his legs to move in the opposite direction. He made it halfway to his father's office before swearing and starting to sprint towards sickbay. He couldn't leave Kara, no matter how superior of an officer told him to.

When he reached his destination, he was surprised to see the majority of sickbay was clear. Usually there were a million and a half pilots and personnel crawling over every inch. There were accidents happening on Galactica constantly.

"I had the place cleared." Lee turned to look at where his father stood. He should have known that his father wouldn't be anywhere but here. Kara meant a lot to both the Adamas.

William Adama gave him a smile. "I figured you and I could use some silence while we waited for our girl to come out of surgery."

Lee didn't say a word. He just dropped in to stand beside his father as they watched Doc Cottle do his best to repair the damage in the woman they loved.


	16. Chapter 16

The first thing Kara noticed when she woke up was her head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. The second thing she noticed was that she was currently in sickbay and someone was holding her hand. "Lee?" she choked out. Her voice was extremely raspy which meant she must have gone a few days without talking.

"No, Kara. It's me."

She wished she could say she felt more relief hearing Anders' voice than Lee's, but she was really getting tired of lying to herself. "You're all right?"

"I have a nasty concussion, but the Doc says I'll be just fine. You, on the other hand, are going to take a little while before getting back on your feet."

"That little frakker shot me," Kara hissed as the memory of what had happened made her wince. "I am going to kill him."

"Job's already been done. The CAG took it upon himself to search all of Cloud Nine."

"Lee went back to Cloud Nine?"

"Only after you got out of surgery and the Doc declared you were going to be okay. I swear, I think Cottle was getting tired of having to herd our questions. We were lucky, though. Most of the time he had to answer us because it was the Commander asking."

"The Old Man was here?"

"He's been here every second he wasn't needed in the CIC. The man considers you his daughter, Kara."

The corners of Kara's mouth turned up in a small smile. "So has Adama pulled himself away from me long enough to figure out what happened?"

Anders nodded. "I don't know a lot, but I'll tell you what I do. I got knocked out by the Cylon you were training to be a part of the Fleet."

Kara's eyes snapped opening. That sounded almost accusatory.

"Hughes shot you, and you blacked out. Then the little frakker dragged me down to the kitchen without anyone noticing and left me to freeze myself to death. The Commander thinks Hughes was on his way back into the hotel room when the Marine responded to the gunshots he heard. He saw Hughes was armed and when he wouldn't drop the gun, the Marine shot. He missed, but the Cylon ran. Corporal Armstrong went in the room and saw you had dragged yourself up onto the bed." Anders sent her a knowing look. "Doc Cottle says that was what aggravated your injury the most."

"What did you expect me to do?" Kara exclaimed. "I woke up alone on the floor of a hotel room bleeding from a gunshot wound. Was I supposed to just lay there and wait for someone to stumble upon me?"

"Don't get excited, Kara. You're supposed to be resting."

"I just don't understand why everything you say sounds like you're accusing me of letting this happen."

"I'm not. It's just hard to figure out what happened when no one is willing to give me information. I'm not a member of your precious little military family. A lot that happened has been deemed secret and off limits to civilians like me." She knew she must have looked rather upset because Anders face went pale and he squeezed her hand gently. "I'm sorry, Kara. I have no right to take my frustration out on you. It's just been difficult for me to come to terms with how helpless it seems I am in this Fleet."

"There's a reason why the majority of military personnel chooses to break fraternization regs instead of dating people outside of Galactica. You're probably the only person right now who has to deal with that situation."

"I'm glad I do," Anders whispered. Kara saw him hesitate a moment before drawing his hand away from her. "But I wonder if you really want this."

"I don't understand."

"I went to thank Corporal Armstrong for all he did to save you yesterday, and he told me something I found odd. The only reason he searched for me was because he thought you were begging him to find me." Anders reached out to tilt Kara's face to look at him. "Except it turns out my name isn't Lee."

"Sam, I was shot. I needed to get help. Why is it so odd that I called for one of my fellow pilots, someone I knew could get the whole situation under control?"

"But why him, Kara? A man that you were going to try to distance yourself from for my sake?"

Kara hung her head again. Up to this point, neither one of them had out right acknowledged what she had been doing. "I can't just turn off the fact that he's my friend, Sam. When I'm in trouble, my head goes to the people I know I can count on. Lee has been there every time I've ever really needed him, _including_ this time. Can't you just be grateful that because of Lee I'm going to be fine?"

"I would be grateful if only I could get myself to stop wondering if you'll ever let me be that man. I could be the one you turn to if you just let go of the notion that Apollo is your personal hero and savior."

Kara didn't answer. Frankly, she didn't want to. The idea of letting go of this one last tie with Lee killed her inside. She had given up the inside jokes and taunts, the morning jogs and the banter. She had kept herself from helping Lee out with his paperwork when he looked like he was going to go crazy. She had pulled away from the triad games that he was a part of in order to keep herself from doing something stupid. All of those sacrifices had hurt, but she had done them because she was committed to Anders. She was determined to make this work.

The real basis of that determination was simple. Anders wanted her, and Lee didn't. That was all she needed to know.

"All right," she whispered. "I'll let him go."

Anders smiled. "I'm happy to hear that. I love you so much, you know?"

She nodded but couldn't bring herself to say the words back. The pain of knowing she was going to have to give Lee up completely was tearing her up inside. She couldn't talk about love. "I'm tired, Sam."

"Then I'll let you get some sleep. I'm going to go talk to the Doc about what's happening with your treatment." Anders leaned in to kiss her forehead before stepping out of the curtained area.

Kara tried to keep the tears from falling until she could be sure she was alone. She had just committed to doing something that she was pretty sure was impossible. Lee was ingrained in every single facet of her life. She wasn't sure if there could still be a life left if she pushed him out completely.

Sniffing, Kara took a look around the sickbay. They had put her in the best area of the room, probably under strict orders of the Commander. It gave her a nice view of everything that was going on. She could see Doc Cottle arguing with Ishay about some X-rays with Anders waiting patiently behind them, and there were a few members of the deck crew laughing and joking around the bed of one of their crewmates. The last bed had its curtain drawn, secluding it from the whole of sickbay, and Kara watched a medic step out of the curtain to place a phone call.

There was a lot of activity going on, but there was one particular thing that was drawing her attention. Racetrack stepped into the sickbay and looked around nervously. When her eyes connected with Anders, a big smile came across her face.

Kara felt her heart begin to sink. She could feel an impending sense of importance to what was about to happen.

Anders smiled at Racetrack and stepped over to stand before her. They were talking softly for a moment, and Kara watched Racetrack's hand come up to rest on Ander's bicep. How did she not know Anders was friends with the Raptor ECO? She didn't even have time to think up an answer to her question because the air between them changed. Kara looked on as they began to argue. She couldn't make out what was being said, but she could tell Racetrack was really pissed off.

The truth hit her like a ton of bricks as Racetrack turned on heel and ran from sickbay.

Kara watched in shock as Anders turned to glance at her. He froze when he saw she was already staring at him. After a few seconds, he made his way over to her bed again. "I thought you wanted to get some rest."

"I never realized," she said with a small laugh. She tightened her jaw. "You might be a lot taller, and he might have a bigger build than you, but when push comes to shove, you look a hell of a lot like Lee from the back." Anders gave her a confused look. "I saw you the other day in the equipment locker. I didn't realize it was you who had a thing on the side with Racetrack."

Anders' face drained of color. "Kara, I can explain."

She held her hand up. "There's no need. You can feed me all the bullshit about being a man and having needs, and it still won't matter. I was prepared to change my whole fraking world to prove to you that I wanted this, and you knew it. In fact, you were the one that asked me to."

"I meant it when I said I wanted this to work between us."

"I would believe that if not for one thing. I have been trying to free up time for you and make you my number one priority. Things have gotten better between us, and yet whatever you had with Racetrack didn't end." Her eyes drifted to where she had just witnessed the argument. "At least not until today. You kept it going until I was willing to commit to giving up the one person I cared about most."

"I had to be sure," Anders said, as if that explained it all. He reached out to grasp her hand.

"Well, now _I'm_ sure," Kara hissed, pulling her hand back. "You know, Helo teased me for getting involved with you. He loves his pyramid teams. That's how him and I got to be friends in the first place. He loved the fact that I could have been a professional player if I hadn't frakked up my knee." She paused to look at Anders, and she knew the blank look on her face was starting to make him scared. Good. He deserved it.

"Helo practically lived and breathed pyramid before the Cylon attacks," she continued. "It always amazed me how he knew every player on every team, including the Captain of the Caprica Buccaneers. When I was so torn about leaving you behind, Helo wanted to know what I saw in you. All he had ever heard about Samuel Anders was he was a big womanizer, always going from one frak to the next. He found it hard to believe that someone like me could be so attached to someone like you. At the time, I thought it was obviously a case of the media exaggerating a few casual relationships you had, but now I'm starting to think I should have listened to Helo. Like I said, pyramid was his life."

"The media did blow it out of proportion, but my life was different before the attacks. I was caught up in the superficial."

"Maybe you still are," Kara suggested. "I was willing to give up a hell of a lot for you, and I want you to remember that for the rest of your life. I wasn't the one to frak this up." She sighed. "Now, I really am tired. Please leave."

Anders stood up. "Where does this leave us?" he asked.

"You'll always be my friend, Sam. The world isn't big enough for grudges anymore. You're a part of Galactica and a part of this Fleet, but you're no longer a part of my life. Now you should go find Racetrack. She obviously knows you're an unfaithful bastard, and she doesn't care. That's like hitting the jackpot for you."

She saw Anders drop his head in embarrassment and fought the urge to let out a laugh at the absurdness of the moment. "Seriously, though, you obviously care for her. You fought to keep me in your life once because you loved me. I think you owe her the same consideration. If she takes you back, try to be happy, Sam. Try to make it work. Regrets aren't something you want to have." Kara cleared her throat. "Please shut the curtain on your way out."

Anders gave her one last look of regret before stepping away from her bed and shutting the curtain. Kara finally let her façade of strength fall. That bastard had almost gotten her to push Lee out of her life, and it seemed he didn't have any regrets for misleading her. How could she have been so blind to the type of man he truly was?

Kara didn't have the strength to do anything but let her tears lull her to sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

When she finally woke up, it took Kara all of five minutes to realize something wasn't right. She questioned every single person who came in to check her vitals or to make sure she could still see through all the pain, but they all just avoided answering her. For Kara Thrace, there was only one thing left to do. She regrettably turned up the annoying factor. It was a talent she had perfected for months on Lee.

Finally, Kara got to be too much for Ishay. She was in the middle of checking Kara's wound when she slammed down the gauze. "Cottle owes me big for taking over your care." She sighed lightly, trying to get her cool back, before looking up at Kara. "I'm not supposed to tell you anything per instruction by the Commander. He doesn't want to put unnecessary stress in your life."

"But…" Kara prodded.

Ishay finished bandaging the wound and stood up. "Do you remember what it was like when you took on that Cylon all by yourself, Lieutenant Thrace?"

Something Anders had said to her the last time they spoke suddenly made her heart drop out. He had told her Lee went back to Cloud Nine to find the Cylon that had shot her. She had just assumed that Hughes had been found and thrown out an airlock, but maybe it hadn't been that simple.

Ishay waited patiently until she saw Kara make the connection before nodding briefly at the closed curtain area at the end of sickbay, and then the medic took her leave.

Kara was forced to sit in her bed while images flashed through her head every few seconds of how hurt Lee must have been in order to force his father to keep the whole affair silent. She had to wait one long hour before the medics finally left her to have a moment of peace. The second the room was clear, Kara pushed herself out of bed, ignoring the pain in her stomach. She drew her sweatshirt around her body, suddenly glad that Helo had brought her some normal clothes to put on earlier that morning, and shuffled to the other side of the room.

She tried to prepare herself for what was waiting for her behind that curtain, remembering the bruises and broken ribs the blonde Cylon had given her on Caprica, but thinking of Lee in the same condition caused her to falter in her steps too much. So she just decided to ignore everything but getting to him. She had saved him once from his injuries. She could do it again.

Her hand was shaking when she pulled the curtain back, and her bottom lip started to tremble as she saw Lee lying in the bed, his eyes shut and the machines steadily beeping around him. She did her best to ignore her own pain in order to shuffle the final steps so she could be near him.

If she was the type of girl to read into things, she would say that Lee had just given her a hell of a sign that he loved her. Too bad she wasn't that girl. Instead she was the type of girl that wanted to slap him silly for doing something as stupid as taking on a Cylon with no back-up. "Fraking idiot," she choked out through the tears as she sat down on the bed next to him. "Fraking, fraking idiot."

Her hands reached out to trace the bruises that marked his face. She couldn't help but feel responsible for each and every mark that took away from what Cally had always claimed was the finest piece of ass she had ever seen. Kara chuckled softly. Even with everything that had happened, the memory of hearing Cally say that could still make her laugh.

Kara tore her gaze away from Lee's face to look down at his hands. She had never seen so many cuts and bruises, and considering she had been in plenty of bar fights and spent many hours at the punching bag, that was saying a lot. Lee had obviously taken out some frustration on the Cylon. Bruises that bad didn't come from defensive fighting.

She couldn't believe she had been about to give up this incredible man.

Kara leaned down to brush a kiss across Lee's forehead, doing the best to avoid the bruised parts. She felt the warmth of his skin against her lips and found she couldn't stop herself. She trailed a line of kisses down his face until her lips lightly caressed his. So much had happened to her in the past few days and finally giving in to her need for Lee pushed her over the edge. She pulled back and buried her face in his chest as the sobs took over.

The thin sound of Lee's voice was the only thing that kept her from losing it completely. "I killed him for you, Kara."

Kara looked up at him, eyes still brimming with tears. "What?"

Lee smiled at her through the pain. "I made sure he could never hurt you again."

It took biting her lip almost to the point of breaking the skin to keep herself from crying again. "I'll never figure out why you're so good to me, Lee," she whispered.

"You're my world," Lee whispered so softly she almost couldn't make it out.

Kara watched Lee slip back to sleep and decided she would just have to wait to tell him that he was her world, too. She watched in awe as Lee was at peace for the first time in far too long.

"I heard you had broken out of your cell. It wasn't too hard to imagine where you would end up," William Adama said as he pushed back the curtain.

Kara looked over at her Commander and knew she should feel embarrassed for being caught holding his son so tightly. The smile on his face told her there was no need. He really hadn't expected to find her in any other position. "You kept them from telling me," she acknowledged as she sat up.

"I figured as soon as you were strong enough to know, you'd pick up on it. It was my own way of protecting you, I guess."

Kara nodded. She wasn't mad because what the Old Man said was true. Before that morning, she probably couldn't have handled knowing what Lee had done for her sake. It might have pushed her over the edge. "Your son woke up a few moments ago," she said, not sure if this news was supposed to be monumental or not.

"He's been in and out since they brought him in. The doctor said he was going to keep him here until Lee's body healed enough to get him back onto a normal schedule."

"Was he really hurt that badly?"

"Most of the wounds were superficial. It seems he just tired his body out."

Trying to sound brave, Kara looked down at Lee's quiet face and asked, "What exactly did he do, sir?"

Adama sighed. "I debated whether you should know the exact details, but I figured it was your right. Beside you probably wouldn't rest until someone told you." He felt validated in his assumption when Kara's face broke out in a wide grin. "You've become very predictable."

"Someone has to annoy everyone," she said shrugging her shoulders. "Now how about you stop stalling and tell me what put him in here?"

"He waited until you were out of surgery and then he simply turned to me and said he had something to do. I figured he was going to the bunkroom to get you clothes or something. Then I get this call from Dee saying Apollo took one of the Raptors to Cloud Nine. I knew I couldn't stop him, so I simply told her to let Lee know I wanted both him and the ship back in one piece."

"Well, he doesn't look like he broke any bones so as long as he brought the ship back, I guess he didn't break his promise."

"It only took Lee an hour to hunt down Hughes. When he found him, he didn't hold anything back. From what the Marines tell me, it appeared like Lee finally let go of some of the anger he kept bottled up inside of him."

"How many times did he shoot that fraking toaster?" she asked.

"He didn't. Lee killed it with his bare hands."

Kara found it hard to wrap her head around the idea that Lee could do something as brutal as beating something to death, even if that something was a machine. It wasn't in his nature.

"Don't," Adama said. The look on her face was starting to scare him. "Don't think what he did was anything but what he wanted. It was his way of dealing with what happened to you, Kara."

"I know," she whispered, reaching her hand out to take Lee's. "It still kills me inside to know that this is the effect I have on his life. I cause him to lose control."

"You cause him to not care about being in control," Adama corrected. "There's a big difference. Now you look tired, Kara."

"Don't make me leave," she pleaded.

"I wasn't going to. I was just going to tell you to get comfortable. I'll let Cottle know your room has changed."

Kara gave him a childlike smile before she laid back down next to Lee. "Thank you, sir."

"Watch over him for me, will you?" Adama asked before stepping out of the room.

She stared at the closed curtain and whispered, "I always do."

Lee shifted slightly as she nestled against him, and Kara couldn't help but smile. Maybe now, after all that had happened, they might find themselves in the same place at the same time.


	18. Chapter 18

Kara figured her relationship with Lee had reached a new level when she made her millionth "toaster beater" joke and he still wasn't ready to kill her. Then again, lack of pilot-cide could be chalked up to the simple fact that she routinely snuck in the rare bits of food the pilots traded their personal belongings for. It seemed everyone missed their CAG.

"You know, you're starting to become a little bit of an urban legend," Kara informed him as she reached out to steal a piece of fruit on his plate. Before that morning, she hadn't even known fruit still existed. "The big bad CAG who killed a Cylon with his anger alone."

"Good," Lee said with a laugh. "Maybe they'll start to listen to me when I tell them they're going to get themselves killed if they keep following your example."

"You two are in awfully good moods today," Ishay said as she walked into the curtained area. "Makes me wonder why I can't convince Cottle to get you out of my hair. He keeps feeding me some bullshit about not being ready, but personally I think it's time you went away."

"You know you love us," Kara kidded.

"I would love you even more if you could stay out of sickbay for more than a few days. I swear to the gods, I've seen you two more than I've seen my boyfriend."

Kara's jaw dropped dramatically. "Our fair medic has a boyfriend? I never knew!"

"We keep it quiet," Ishay said as her face turned beet red. "Relationships between pilots and the medical staff are looked down upon."

"It's a pilot!" Lee exclaimed, joining in on the fun.

"He's the CAG," Kara pointed out. "He can get you in a lot of trouble with that information."

"If he told anyone, I might hesitate to save him the next time he gets himself shot in defense of a certain hotheaded pilot," Ishay threatened as she finished marking their charts. "Now, as to why I've burdened you with my presence, I have it on high authority that you might be released from my custody later today, and I want both of you to promise you won't frak it up."

Kara looked at Lee and winked. "We promise."

Ishay narrowed her eyes. "I want the quiet one to do the promising. He doesn't lie."

"We promise," Lee chuckled.

"I don't think Cottle would have put up with your crap if the Commander didn't see so much value in both of you," Ishay muttered as she left them alone again.

"She's going to miss us," Kara deadpanned. Lee let out a small laugh, but Kara could tell that his mind wasn't in the game any longer. "Is something wrong?"

"No," he said.

Kara gave him a doubtful look. "You're getting all pensive and squinty faced. That means something's bugging you."

"It's nothing," he insisted.

She reached out to poke at his face. "The wrinkles are getting deeper."

"Stop it, Kara," Lee laughed, pushing her hand away.

"Seriously, Lee. You won't tell me what's wrong which makes me think it has something to do with me."

Lee shrugged his shoulders. "I was just wondering where Anders been. You've been here with me for over a week, and I haven't seen him once. I know that for the first few days there, I was in and out, but I've been coherent for a while now. Still no Anders."

"He frakked up," Kara explained curtly.

"See? I knew I shouldn't have even brought it up."

Kara stared at him, the hint of a smile turning up her face. Lee was trying to pull his gentleman routine and drop the subject because she didn't want to talk about it. Normally she would appreciate that, but this time she felt like she should explain a little more. For once she wanted to talk about the frak-ups in her life. "It's nothing, Lee. He made a mistake, and I couldn't forgive him for it this time."

"Is it because you were spending time with me again?" Lee asked.

Kara's face softened. "No. It had nothing to do with you this time."

They sat in silence for a moment while Kara waited for Lee to say whatever else was on his mind. She watched him play with his food before looking up at her. "I thought you were trying, Kara," he whispered.

The words cut her to the bone. After all of she had been through, Lee was still going to keep pushing her towards Anders. It was too much. "Do not look at me in disappointment," she warned.

"I'm sorry, Kara. I just wanted you to have a chance at something normal. It's the least you deserve."

"What I had with Anders was far from normal," she pointed out. Lee was still looking at her like she was being irrational, and it was the last straw. She really didn't want to get into the details, but if that's what it took to make Lee stop acting like an idiot, she would do it. The pain of relieving what Anders had done to her might actually be good for her.

"Put yourself in my place, Lee," she said, wishing she could calm herself down. This was going to end badly if she couldn't check her temper. "I was so committed to trying to make our relationship work that I was ready to give up the one thing in my life that still made sense. I was just going to flush the one thing I've clung to for months out the airlock because he asked me to."

Lee wisely stayed silent as her anger took a tighter hold.

"I was prepared to do this for a man who I saw fraking Racetrack senseless in an equipment locker only days earlier." She let the words sink in to Lee's head. When she saw his look of disappointment change to one of shame, she pulled herself up off the bed. "I guess I wasn't stupid to believe you when you said it couldn't have been you."

Lee's eyes widened. Kara had yet to mention she remembered the conversation they had when he was carrying her back to Galactica. He was starting to believe she had blacked the whole thing out.

Kara pulled the curtain out of the way and turned back to look at him. "I never wanted something normal, Lee. I was actually holding out for extraordinary."

Lee stared at the curtain long after she disappeared. Her parting words had already begun to haunt him.


	19. Chapter 19

Kara had been watching the shadow underneath her curtain grow and fall. Someone was obviously debating whether or not to bother her. She felt herself smile. It was probably a smart decision to think twice about coming in here. She hadn't been in a good mood for quite a while now.

Her smile couldn't help but widen as her curtain drew open to show it had been Helo pacing outside. "Well, Karl! I do believe I thought you were dead."

"I've been busy, Kara," he said, glaring at her. "The CAG and the lead pilot got themselves a little mini-vacation, and it seems like all of the sudden I'm one of the most experienced pilots the Air Group has. And by the way, can I ask what the frak you did to those nuggets? All I've been hearing for days is how a Raptor pilot has no idea how to understand a bunch of Viper hotheads. Have you been badmouthing my birds again?"

"We both know Raptor pilots are simply the ones who couldn't hack it at Viper."

Helo rolled his eyes. "Did it ever occur to you that I might have chosen not to be a Viper pilot? That maybe flying a Raptor was what I wanted to do? Not everyone lives for the feel of a double barrel roll."

"But if you do, there's no escaping it," Kara said, closing her eyes and leaning back in bed. "Gods! When the frak am I going to get out of here?"

Helo perched on the side of the bed. "You got shot, Kara. Recovery takes a while. It's not like you can fly a ship anyway."

"I could help out the Chief or something. I hate not being able to help."

"We hate not having you there," Helo said softly.

Her eyes snapped open. "Are things really that bad?"

"They've gotten better since Apollo took over."

Kara's face lit up with confusion. "He's not in sickbay?"

"No, Cottle released him two days ago. I thought you knew."

Kara shifted uncomfortably and lowered her eyes to look at her hands. "I haven't spoken to him in a week," she admitted.

"Gods," Helo said, shaking his head. "Last I heard, you two were joined at the hip in this place. What happened?"

Kara knew it was mean, but she couldn't control her unconscious need to defer her pain onto someone else's shoulders. It was the way she kept herself functioning. "The same thing that happened to you and Sharon when we got back from our little rescue mission on Picon, Karl."

Helo raised his eyebrow. "One of you got thrown in a cell so that the only way the other could speak with her is through a thick pane of glass and two telephone receivers?"

She rolled her eyes. She should have known Helo would see right through her attempts to take the attention off her own deficiencies. "How is the cyborg child anyway?"

"I wish you wouldn't call my child that, Kara."

"Tiny toaster?"

Helo rolled his eyes. "They're both doing fine. I'm still worried that the Commander is going to think twice about his decision to keep them alive. Even hearing the word airlock makes me nervous these days."

Kara rested her hand on top of his. "Don't worry. The Old Man understands the risks Sharon took when she chose to lead us through the eleven colonies. After all, he risked his family, too, in that mission."

"About the Commander's family, you never told me what changed between the Old Man's son and yourself."

"I don't know," Kara lied, quickly looking away from Helo. She didn't want to remember why Lee had stopped speaking to her. She wasn't strong enough yet. "Listen, Helo. I'm kind of tired."

Even if Helo hadn't known Kara as well as he did, he wouldn't have argued. Anyone could see she was a woman on the verge of an emotional breakdown. "Don't let me keep you," he joked while stepping to his feet. "I'll be sure to come back later today to make sure you haven't gone stir crazy."

Kara gave him a small smile and kept it glued to her face until she was alone again. Her whole demeanor shifted as an intense sadness washed over her. Lee had gotten out of sickbay and she hadn't even known. He had been free to do whatever her wanted, and what he wanted was obviously not to see her. She wasn't hiding. She was stuck in a fraking hospital bed.

Her mind went back to the last conversation she had had with him. She had been a fool to think it would end in something other than frustration and guilt. She had thought telling him she had given up on Anders might start to repair the broken pieces of their friendship. She had hoped she might finally get an answer to why she had chosen Lee to be her rock without even knowing it.

The little girl inside of her had dreamed of a moment out of the movies where Lee turned to her and said that he loved her, that he had always loved her. She had let herself believe that maybe he shared her theory that there could be no one else that fit him so perfectly.

Yet the truth was slowly killing her fantasy. A man who couldn't live without her wouldn't be avoiding her.

Kara couldn't figured out what she had done wrong. She had told him what Anders had done. She had done her best to let him know that she really didn't even care. The one thing she hadn't told him was no matter how hard she had tried to be with Anders, her heart wasn't in it. She could have spent years forcing it, but she still couldn't make herself happy. It had taken her a long time to get past the horrible words her mother beat into her when she was little, but she finally understood that she had a right to want to be as happy as humanly possible. In fact, she probably deserved it _because _of what she had gone through.

She let out a loud groan. "You're an idiot, Thrace, if you actually thought a man like that could love someone like you."

"I think you're being a little hard on yourself, sir."

Kara turned to glare at where Racetrack was standing. "What do you want?" she growled.

"I wanted to apologize, Starbuck."

"Fine. You're forgiven. Get the frak out of my sight."

Racetrack looked scared, but somehow she stood her ground. "I never meant to steal him away from you."

Kara let out an exaggerated laugh. "Honey, don't think for one moment you could steal anything away from me! I let him go."

"Either way, I never meant for you to get hurt in this. I know that you've had to handle a lot more shit than the rest of us since the attacks. I had no right to frak with the one normal thing you still had going."

"Why does everyone think I want to be normal?" Kara screamed.

Racetrack looked taken aback. "Well, everything you do is pretty much unthinkable to the rest of us. I guess everyone figures it might get tiring."

The air between them felt forced to Kara, and she could see Racetrack debating whether she should stay or leave. She was probably regretting her decision to intrude upon Kara, but it was too late to take it back. Besides Kara figured this might be the only time she could set Racetrack right. "So I take it he followed my advice and came crawling back to you?" Kara asked. When Racetrack looked surprised, Kara smirked. "I didn't want you to be under the impression that he decided to ask for another chance all on his own."

Racetrack nodded. "Yeah. He told me that he wasn't sure if you were the same woman he fell in love with." Kara rolled her eyes and was surprised when Racetrack laughed. "Don't think I fell for that bullshit, either. I've seen men around you. They can't help but be captivated. I'm just going to have to live with the fact that I'm his second choice."

Racetrack's brutal honesty was almost as big of a surprise as the pangs of guilt that were starting to fester in the pit of Kara's stomach. This woman was probably just as hurt as Kara was by this whole frakked up mess. Anders could have been feeding her just as much bullshit and lies as Kara.

Kara narrowed her eyes and stared at Racetrack for a moment before speaking, "It's not a secret that you and I have never gotten along, but you were there for Helo when he got hurt a few months ago. That earned you a little bit of respect from me. No matter how big a frak-up you made, I don't want to see you get steamrolled in this whole thing. Make sure you understand what type of person Anders is."

"I don't love him," Racetrack admitted. "I don't know if I ever could, either. He's just a nice distraction from life right now. He makes me forget that I stood two feet away from Boomer when she shot the Old Man, and he keeps the guilt from killing me. For now, that's enough to keep him around."

"Just keep your wits about you," Kara reminded. "Now if you wouldn't mind finding someone for me, I think the pain meds are starting to wear off."

"Thank you for this, Kara."

Kara shrugged. "Someday remind me to tell you why I don't even care that much about losing him."

Racetrack paused to let Kara's words sink in before stepping out into the main area of sickbay.

"Just you and me now, self-pity," Kara muttered to herself. She was really starting to hate how every time she was alone her thoughts always went back to Lee. It was fraking annoying.


	20. Chapter 20

Lee told himself that he just happened to be delivering papers to Doc Cottle when Kara got released. He just happened to be at the end of his shift and on his way to the bunkroom when she stepped outside of sick bay. He just happened to not be in a hurry as she took step after painful step and refused to look to anyone for help. Even though it had taken trading off the last bits of food he had been given by the pilots in order to get Birch to cover the end of his shift _and _he actually should have been giving a report on pilot morale to the President right now _and _the papers for the Doc could have easily been sent to him hours earlier simply by handing them to one of the CIC crew, Lee told himself that it was all just a coincidence.

He had only been leaning on the wall outside the bunkroom hatch for a few minutes before he saw what he had been waiting for. Chancing one more glance in at Kara, he made his way the few feet it took to get to the head. Community towel in hand, he shed his clothes and let the lukewarm water wash over him. His muscles felt like they were going to give out. The stress of not being able to watch over Kara the past few days had been killing him. His guilt was stronger than his desire to keep her safe, though, which was why he was taking a cold shower in the head instead of holding her hand as she fought through the torture of being without pain meds.

Lee had fought the urge to comfort Kara since the day she had told him she was holding out for something extraordinary. He felt responsible for what Anders had done to her. No matter what she told him, he knew that it had hurt her to find out Anders cheated on her, presumably multiple times. Lee couldn't help but think that none of this would have happened if he hadn't pushed Kara to give that bastard another chance.

He looked down at the bruises that still dotted his ribs and abdomen. The wounds from his act of revenge were just now beginning to heal. He had lost control when he found Hughes on Cloud Nine, and Lee was surprised to realize that even after two weeks, he still did not regret killing that machine.

The only real regret he had was that his body was too raw for him to do the same to Anders.

He had been purposefully avoiding the ex-pyramid captain since the day Kara had told him of the little tryst between Racetrack and Anders. The inevitable confrontation between the two alpha males in her life was looming just beyond the horizon, but Lee knew it was not yet time.

Lee turned the water off slowly, letting the last beads drip to the tile floor, before he slung a towel around his hips and stepped out into the community area.

"I should have known you had a reason for giving me an off-shift that I didn't have to beg for."

Lee looked up to see Helo leaning against one of the sinks. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Helo rolled his eyes and chuckled. "I find it a funny coincidence that I have absolutely nothing to do on the day Kara finally gets the all-clear to return to life outside the med level. She's resting peacefully in her bunk, by the way. "

"I know. I walked her home from sickbay myself," Lee said.

"I find that hard to believe considering you haven't spoken to her in over a week."

"Okay. I walked behind her all the way from sickbay," Lee corrected.

"And then you waited outside the bunkroom until you saw me returning from my last shift," Helo added. "Kara told me she had only been the bunk room for five minutes before I showed up. I'll never know how you got that timed so well."

"I still don't know what you mean," Lee insisted even though he was smiling.

"She misses you, Apollo. You were the first person she asked about once I finally got her comfortable in that torture device we call a rack."

Lee turned his back to Helo and rested his hands against the cold countertop. He did not need to hear this. Every time someone told him that Kara asked about him or Kara missed him, he felt another piece of his resolve break away. He couldn't face the guilt of knowing he had caused her so much pain, and yet keeping himself from her was getting harder each day.

"Permission to speak freely, sir?"

Lee looked over his shoulder. "You know I'm not going to start caring now, Helo."

"Whatever fraked-up reason you have for keeping her at arms length, you need to get over it. You're hurting her."

"You're wrong. I've already hurt her."

"She doesn't care. Whatever you did to her, it's not as bad as you want to think," Helo hissed. "But you shutting her out is making it even worse."

Lee nodded even though both men knew Helo's plea was falling on deaf ears. It didn't matter how much Helo yelled at him. He thought he knew what was best for Kara. "You'll watch over her until she's back on her feet for me?"

"Of course." Helo would never say it out loud, but he actually felt honored to be the one Lee chose to watch over Kara. It was like he was entrusted with the most important object in the world to the CAG, and that object just happened to be the most beautifully fraked-up woman Helo had ever met.

"Good. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

"Besides watching over her yourself, you mean?"

Lee bit his lip to keep his anger in check and, clutching the towel to his body, left the head. Helo had said Kara was asleep in the bunkroom. Lee figured that gave him a small window in which he needed to get dressed and get the papers out of his locker that he would need for his next CIC shift. He knew if he bumped in to Kara when she was awake, he wouldn't last more than a few seconds before breaking down and begging for her to forgive him.


	21. Chapter 21

Lee was zipping up his flight suit in preparation to fly the CAP when he saw Anders for the first time since he had hurt Kara. His heart told him this was the moment he had been waiting for. His body was healed, and his mind was as calm as it would ever get.

Obviously, Anders had reached the same conclusion for he began to make his way over to where Lee stood by his Viper. Lee found it funny that the ex-pyramid captain looked nervous, but then he did have good reason to be.

The two men stood staring at one another in silence for a full minute before Anders spoke up, "I thought you would have come to find me by now."

"I had to let my hands heal first," Lee replied, letting the true meaning of his words sink in. "You know, I could probably beat you into an inch of your life and no one on this ship would care."

"I know. Everyone has made it clear how unwelcome I am on Galactica. It's funny. I never realized just how much _everyone _on this ship is enamored with Kara."

The silence rested uncomfortably between them. Lee was finding it hard to verbalize what he knew he had to say to Anders now that they were face to face. It wasn't easy to think when all he wanted to do was lash out in anger and grind this man's face into the hangar bay floor. Violence seemed to be in his blood lately.

"I hope you're making her happy," Anders said. The bitterness in his voice was not lost on Lee.

"I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean."

"I figured you two would be shacked up in some bunk by now, consummating your unspoken love for one another."

Lee lashed out to punch Anders in the stomach. He really had no clue why, but there was something in those words that made him lose control of his anger. Anders doubled over in pain for a moment before gritting his teeth and pulling himself back up.

"I still don't understand what she ever saw in you," Lee growled.

"Something obviously that you didn't have," Anders spit back. "She was willing to give you up to make me happy. I bet she never told you that. I told her there was no way our relationship could work if she didn't cut you out of her life completely, and she agreed with me."

Something connected inside Lee, and his mouth turned up into a sly grin. "I think I might owe you, Anders," he chuckled. When Anders gave him a look of confusion, Lee figured it might be time to put this guy out of his misery. He deserved to know that he just lost Kara Thrace forever. "Kara did tell me that you asked her to give up the one thing she loved the most, but she never told me what it was exactly. I never dreamed for one moment that it could have been me."

"I wouldn't be so smug about it," Anders warned. "She did agree with my request. She was ready to write you out of her life completely."

Lee shook his head. "It would have practically killed her to let me go, and in the end, I don't think she could have done it. In fact, I know I would never have _let _her do that. As much as our relationship confuses the hell out of me, I know that it's something that cannot be destroyed. It would kill both of us to have to let go. Which makes me wonder how you could be so smug about causing Kara that much pain."

"It would have been worth it in the end. She could have been happy if you had just given her a chance to have a normal life."

Lee let out a laugh, tongue in cheek. He couldn't believe this man had actually fooled him into thinking he was a good match for Kara. How could Lee have been so wrong? "Maybe she doesn't want to be normal," Lee suggested.

Anders was going to respond, but he never got the chance. Lee's fist hit his jaw with a resounding crack, and Anders felt something give way. His hands came up to cradle his jaw as a small line of blood began to drip slowly to the hangar floor.

"You might want to have that looked at," Lee said as he casually rubbed his aching hand. "I think I might have broken your jaw. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a CAP to fly and a best friend to apologize to."

Lee motioned for a few of the deck crew to come over and help Anders before making his way to the ship ladder. Cally was standing at the bottom, holding his helmet in her hands. She was staring at him wide-eyed as he stepped up to take the helmet.

"Nice punch, sir," she said with a laugh.

"I've been practicing on toasters in my spare time," he quipped.

"You know this is going to start another round of gossip about you."

"Make them good, Cally," he requested as he climbed into his ship. "I want everyone to know who finally put that bastard in his place."

Cally gave him a quick salute as the Viper canopy sealed shut, and Lee smiled to himself. Things were finally looking up.


	22. Chapter 22

Kara wanted to dance in glee around the bunkroom the day she woke up to realize the pain in her stomach was finally gone. She held herself back in case someone chose that moment to return to the bunkroom. She really didn't feel like being embarrassed when things were going so well.

This day had been her goal since she stumbled to the bunkroom seventy-two hours earlier. She had told herself once she could move freely without pain, she would hunt Lee down and force him to tell her what she had done wrong.

She lifted up the hems of her shirt to look at the scar. Today was the first day she could take the bandage off the wound without the thin material of her tanks causing it pain. She fingered the scar and snickered at the sense of order the Cylons obviously had. She had been shot by them twice and been under their knife once. The evidence was lined up in three neat scars running parallel across her abdomen.

"Lieutenant Thrace!"

Kara shoved her tanks down and looked up to see a rather winded young man bursting into the bunkroom. He tried to speak again and choked, his lungs too out of breath to produce the words. Kara reached out to rest her hands on his shoulder. "Bartlett, right?" The exhausted man nodded. "All right. You need to calm down, Bartlett. Take a deep breath. Try again."

"There's been an accident, sir, in the hangar bay," he wheezed.

"How bad?"

"I'm not sure. It happened so quickly. All I know was someone screamed at me that I needed to come get you. They need your help."

"What happened exactly?"

"There was an accident when the CAP was landing. I would have gotten the CAG-"

That was all Bartlett managed to get out before Kara took off in a sprint. She didn't have to wait to hear him tell her that Lee had been on CAP. She already knew.

The Marines tried to hold her back from the scene in the hangar bay, but she wasn't going to let a bunch of flunkies slow her down. She kicked the first in the shin and shoved him hard into the other two officers. It took her barely a second and would probably get her thrown in the brig when this was all over, but at the moment, she couldn't care less.

The hangar was complete chaos. The deck crew were trying their best to put out the flames shooting up from the accident. There were two metal columns bent down around the shell of Viper. Large sections of metal that had once been the overhang were covering another Viper, and several pilots and crew were working to move the rubble. There was screaming and yelling from every corner imaginable.

It only took Kara a heartbeat to piece together what happened. One of the pilots must have forgotten to power down his ship completely before being raised from the landing tube. When the elevator lift took his ship up to the hangar bay, it engaged the engines, accelerating the ship and pilot out of control. The ship must have knocked into another one of the Vipers, sending it careening into the base of the overhang. That was at least two people who were probably too far gone to save. Kara didn't even want to think about all the people who had been standing in the hangar bay when this happened.

Kara knew she should probably be trying to find something she could do to help, but she found she couldn't move. Her eyes scanned the hangar bay, and there was no amount of lying she could do to hide what she was looking for. If she saw Lee's Viper sitting intact, she could relax and know that he was in the hangar bay somewhere trying to help.

She began to panic as ship after ship revealed the decals of other pilots' names. Lee's Viper was not there. Her attention drifted back to the two crushed ships. She couldn't bring herself to look at them closely. She wouldn't be able to handle it if she saw Lee's name amidst the flames and rubble.

"Thrace! Get your head out of your ass and help us."

Kara turned to glare at the Chief, but instead of meeting his gaze, her eyes locked with the man behind him, currently pulling rubble off of the downed Viper. He was standing there, his flight suit pulled down around his waist with not a scratch on his body. Her heart stopped beating.

"Lee."

Lee dropped the chunk of metal without a word and made his way to her side. There was no awkward moment where they both realized this was the first moment they've seen each other in weeks. There was no pause to wonder how this should be done. He simply opened himself to her and she collapsed in his arms.

Lee held on tight while her whole body shook with emotion. This woman in his arms had been the first person he thought of as he watched the nugget he had taken as his wingman make a stupid mistake. Shifty should have known to power down his ship completely, and Lee couldn't help but be a little thankful that the kid probably wasn't going to be around to feel the fallout of his mistake. It would have been too tough for the rookie.

His eyes drifted to the ship the crew was still desperately trying to unearth. Hyper hadn't done anything to call this kind of thing upon himself. The pilot had been with them since the first attacks. He didn't deserve to go out because of a rookie's mistake. A voice in the back of Lee's head had nagged at him while he worked to free the ship. Hyper was gone. No amount of digging could change that, and yet not one person could stop what they were doing. Hyper deserved to see them follow this through until the end.

As much as Lee knew his duty as CAG was to work alongside the crew until the whole situation was resolved, he couldn't have moved from this spot even if the whole world crashed down around him. Kara had been the only thing in his thoughts as he realized it could easily have been his Viper taken out in the backlash. When he saw her standing there amidst the chaos, looking so beautiful and so lost, something finally clicked inside of him. He couldn't fight it any longer. He loved this woman, and he was not going to let any guilt or sense of duty stand in the way anymore.

Lee pulled Kara up off the ground and felt her legs come up around his waist. Still holding her tight, he walked away from the rubble and away from his duties. He ignored the strange looks he received along the way as he carried her to the first empty room he could find. The conference room seemed cold compared to the flurry of activity they had just left, but Lee knew he didn't have time to find somewhere else that felt right to him. This had to happen now.

"I thought you were dead," she whispered as he set her down onto the table. She unhooked her legs, letting them dangle off the table, and moved her hands from behind his neck to rest on his arms.

Lee waited for Kara to pull away further and was surprised when he felt her grip on his arms tighten. "You really were scared, weren't you?" She nodded, not sure if she could keep forming words while her heart was beating out of control. Lee reached out to brush a wayward hair from her face and placed a light kiss on her forehead. "It wouldn't have mattered."

Kara looked up at him, and her eyes were so wide and innocent that it took all his might not to let his hormones take over. Her innocence had always been the thing that drove him crazy with desire. This moment was no different than the rest.

"Your death would have mattered to me," she assured him.

"That's not what I meant, though I appreciate the sentiment." She gave him a small pout that tore him up on the inside. He couldn't imagine not being alive to see that face. His hand reached out to trace the contours of those miraculous pouting lips. "My father always told me to treat everyone you meet with respect because they all have value and wisdom to them. Every person in this world has something they can teach you." He tugged at her bottom lip before moving his hand back. "Would you like to know what you've taught me, Kara?"

Kara bit down hard on her lip and gave him a small nod. She wasn't surprised to feel a sort of fear about what his answer would be. This whole morning seemed so surreal, like she had never really woken up and this was all just another product of her imagination. She wasn't sure she could survive if she found out this wasn't actually happening.

"You've taught me probably the most important lesson I've ever learned, something I've always used to keep myself going when life got to be too much." He leaned in to brush his lips against hers before whispering, "After all the world has thrown at us, you've taught me that soulmates never die."

He heard her gasp at his words and managed to keep himself in control for a few seconds longer. He wanted her to understand exactly what he was saying before he lost the battle with his desire and leaned in to taste her for real this time.

They both hesitated as they stood on the precipice of the moment, taking the time to memorize what was about to happen. Then Kara shifted forward and her lips gently touched his, lingering until she felt him respond. He tilted his head to nibble lightly on her bottom lip, and she sighed over the rightness of what they were doing.

Lee's hands came up her body to cradle her head as he pushed her back against the table. His lips sought hers as a hint of desperation came over them. It was as if this might be the only time they would ever be allowed to touch each other so freely, so fully, and he was not going to waste it.

Kara felt her heart begin to race as soon as Lee's weight pressed her flush against the table, and she hooked her leg around his body to keep herself grounded. Her hands grasped his back tightly as he softly begged for her to open herself up to him. She could feel his hands pressing the table on both sides of her head, and there was a tightness to his muscles that showed her how hard he was fighting to keep control. She hoped he could feel this as clearly as she could. It was driving her insane and making her completely whole at the exact same time.

Lee knew if the world ended again, it wouldn't mean anything. He had what he had always wanted right here. The warmth of Kara's mouth against his told Lee that she loved him as fiercely as he loved her. There was no need to exchange words when it radiated from every ounce of her being. Time was erased as she opened her mouth to him, pulling him in even deeper.

He felt the electric touch of just barely the tip of her tongue. His senses exploded as she lightly traced the outline of his lips, and the burn inside of him was slow and sensual. She was playing with him, and he found he didn't mind. He could feel his heart melt as he let his passion pour out with the simple touching of lips.

Kara opened her eyes to meet his, and something ignited. She lost herself in his kiss, raging and uncontrolled. No words were spoken between them, but still there was a promise being made. Her hands reached up to run themselves through his hair, and she let out a moan, softened by the touch of their lips.

When the need to take a breath became too much, Lee pulled himself back. Their foreheads rested together while they both fought to still their beating hearts.

"I take it the pain's not bothering you anymore," Lee whispered.

"I wanted to tell you-" His hand came up to silence her, and she stared in awe as his face broke out in a playful smile. She could feel his fingers dancing along the bottom of her tank before he pulled it up inch by excruciating inch. Lee met her eyes for only a second before he slipped his body down the length of hers. She felt the soft touch of his lips against the healing wound and knew that no matter what, she would never feel pain again if she had this in her life.

"We're really not normal," Lee whispered against her skin. At her inquisitive look, he continued, "Most people get matching rings. You and I have to have matching scars."

Kara laughed as she grabbed Lee and pulled him up. Their lips met in a brief kiss, a small reflection of what they now knew was brewing between them. "I told you I was holding out for the extraordinary, Lee," she reminded him.

"I think you found it." He ducked his head to spread kisses across the delicate skin of her neck and was rewarded as she shivered against him.

"There are things we need to talk about," she said, scrunching her face up as she tried to concentrate on anything but what Lee was currently doing.

"Like what?"

Kara hesitated before answering. She hated to break whatever bubble of happiness she had stumbled onto, but for once in her life, she felt the pull to be responsible. This was too important to let her hormones frak it up. "We need to talk about what happened with Anders."

Lee's feather-light kisses ended abruptly as he shifted his head up to look at her. "I solved that problem earlier."

Kara's eyes went wide. "What did you do?"

"I tried to behave," he said, a guilty smile spread across his lips.

"What did you do?" she repeated.

"I broke his jaw."

Kara slapped his chest lightly. "Lee!"

Lee rested his chin on her chest and shrugged. "I couldn't help it. The way that bastard was talking about you, he's lucky that it was only his jaw that I broke."

"My hero," she joked with a roll of her eyes.

The room filled up with silence as the weight of what had just happened finally registered. "This is surreal," Lee mumbled as Kara's hands came up to play with the short hairs at the nape of his neck.

"I know."

"We should probably move before someone stumbles in on us."

"Probably."

"I really don't want to."

"Me, either," Kara said, closing her eyes. She tried to figure out why lying on a table in the middle of a conference room with this man felt so right. They were so tangled up in one another that she was finding it hard to figure out where she ended and he began. The fit was just too perfect. "Lee?"

"Hmmm?" he said, picking up his head to look at her.

"What we're doing is still very much illegal according to military fraternization rules. You're my superior officer."

He pulled himself away from her and was delighted to hear her groan in protest. "So I'll resign."

"They'll just make me the CAG," she pointed out as she took the hand he offered.

"Good point." Lee grabbed her waist and pulled her to her feet. She watched as he carefully tidied her appearance, even taking the time to brush her hair back behind her ears. "We'll just have to figure something out." Kara nodded. "Until then, I'm pretty sure the pilots won't say anything if I start sleeping in your bunk."

"That's very presumptive of you, Captain," she exclaimed.

"Fine. We'll sleep in my bunk."

Kara laughed, and it was music to Lee's ears. He had been stupid to let himself give up one second with this amazing woman. He slipped his hand into hers and stepped back out into the chaos of the corridor. Their life would always be chaos, but it didn't really matter anymore. By having Kara by his side, he finally felt like he belonged even if it was only to her.

"We haven't actually said it," she stated, knowing he would understand what she was referring to.

He thought it over for a moment. She was right. Neither one of them had actually said the words that they seemed to be living. "I know. I kind of like that."

"Me, too," she sighed, tilting in to lean on him. She had been a fool to think that she could ever be happy with anyone other than Lee. He had always been the one for her, but she had been too stubborn to let herself accept that. That didn't matter anymore. As long as she had Lee in her life, she knew that she would be fine.

It only took her two trips to Caprica, one coma, two Cylon bullets, one adulterous boyfriend, and a hangar bay accident to come to terms with that.

"We are so frakked up," she groaned.

Lee smiled down at her. "I kind of like that, too."

Hand in hand, the two pilots made their way back to the hangar bay to figure out where their help was still needed. Things might change, but in a way, they always stay the same. The Fleet needed them just as much as they needed each other.

"I'm sure we can find you a nice corner to bark orders from," Lee said as they entered the hangar bay. The situation had calmed considerably.

"Frak you," Kara hissed.

Lee pulled her hand up and kissed her fingertips before letting her go. "I'm a little fuzzy on the decision we made. Would that be my bunk or yours?"

Kara narrowed her eyes at him before shaking her head. "Haven't you learned anything from me?"

Lee bit his lip as he thought of what her answer would be to his question. After a moment, he chuckled. "Both."

Kara winked at him before walking over to ask the Chief where she could help.

"What the frak was that?" Helo asked as he came to stand beside Lee.

Lee turned to the Raptor ECO and smiled. "That is the sight of Kara Thrace when she finally decides to stop running away."

"About time," Helo chuckled. "Come on with me. We could use another hand clearing the metal from the overhang."

Lee gave himself another second to watch Kara as the Chief handed her the phone in his hand before following Helo back into the eye of the storm. It was just another day on Galactica.

Normal to the point of being extraordinary.

END


End file.
